News Flash: Prius Pokes Pedestrians, Bimmers Bump Blithely, Ladies Catch A Break

You’ve always suspected that BMWs don’t respect pedestrian safety. Now there’s a survey that confirms what you already believed, making you feel very warm and fuzzy inside.

The study also found that male drivers were less likely to stop for pedestrians than were women, and that drivers of both sexes were more likely to stop for a female pedestrian than a male one.

“One of the most significant trends was that fancy cars were less likely to stop,” said Mr. Piff, adding, “BMW drivers were the worst.”

Stupid fancy cars and their fancy-pantsy drivers, probably wearing ascots and whatnot as they drive their $219/month 320i Sportronic X Drives home from their soul-destroying cubicle jobs! But it turns out the narcissists behind the Roundel aren’t the only villains:

In the San Francisco Bay Area, where the hybrid gas-and-electric-powered Toyota Prius is considered a status symbol among the environmentally conscious, the researchers classified it as a premium model.

“In our higher-status vehicle category, Prius drivers had a higher tendency to commit infractions than most”

AHA! We all know why that is, right? It isn’t lack of courtesy or consideration. It a concern with regeneration. Stopping for pedestrians in a hurry necessitates wasteful use of the brakes, decreases fuel economy, and causes the planet to cry out as if a thousand BTUs were suddenly silenced or something like that. Every time you save a life near People’s Park, a polar bear winds up floating on a tiny little iceberg! And nobody wants that. I mean, you could wind up stuck on that iceberg with that polar bear. And then we all know what happens next.

Note: Listening to this video, even at home, will cost you your job. It has the F-word in it. At least twice. Don’t watch this video unless your mom says it’s okay and you are independently wealthy and have already heard the song and know what to expect. Other songs from this group, “Method of Destruction”, are offensive to people of all lifestyles and make light of the tragic incident in which Jim Gordon, the guy who wrote the piano coda to “Layla”, murdered his mother. Also there are jokes about Ethopia. I really cannot emphasize enough that you don’t want to watch this video. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

It’s also no surprise that men are more likely to both commit and receive motorist-on-pedestrian offenses, unless you really and truly believe that men and women are alike in all ways, in which case it will be a surprise. Last but not least, although the survey’s authors speak in reverent terms about the pedestrian courtesy displayed by “beaters”, I wouldn’t step out in front of anything labeled “Eurosport”, “Brougham”, or “Ghia” while within the city limits of Detroit, Michigan.