Question: If New-Vehicle Emission Regulations Were Abolished, Would You Opt For the Smog-Delete Package?

Murilee Martin
by Murilee Martin

We won’t get into the politics of emission-control laws here, except to observe that you’re either a Marx-quoting, global-warming-duped, vegan one-worlder who wants to crush personal initiative beneath tons of bureaucracy and force everyone to ride an electric bus to their groat rations at the communal kitchen… or you’re an Ayn-quoting, gun-fondling, toxic-waste-spreading wingnut who cackles with glee at the mental image of inner-city children shriveling like salt-soaked slugs beneath tons of lead, oxides of nitrogen, and unburned hydrocarbons. Now that you’ve all chosen sides, imagine that every official in every level of every government in the world waved their magic legislative pens and put the kibosh on all emissions-related regulations concerning motor vehicles. Would you go clean, dirty, or in-between with your next vehicle purchase?

In such a world, most vehicle manufacturers would offer some sort of choice in the matter; simply tweaking engine-management software allows a vehicle to favor fuel-economy over emissions, power over emissions, or emissions over both. You’d be able to choose, say, the Dirty Bird Edition Challenger, which would have a giant wing, no catalytic converters, and oxides-of-nitrogen-enhancing 14:1 compression. Hey, if residents of Fontana don’t like smog, they can take advantage of our free-market system to find jobs in a place with clean air! If you want to impress others with your commitment to clean air, you could buy the Breath of Fresh Air Edition Prius, which would offer 16 wheel horsepower and a dashboard-mounted meter that registered individual carbon atoms coming from the tailpipe. Hey, if you can’t stand being stuck behind those holier-than-thou types, you have the freedom to get the hell out of San Francisco! What’s it gonna be?

Murilee Martin
Murilee Martin

Murilee Martin is the pen name of Phil Greden, a writer who has lived in Minnesota, California, Georgia and (now) Colorado. He has toiled at copywriting, technical writing, junkmail writing, fiction writing and now automotive writing. He has owned many terrible vehicles and some good ones. He spends a great deal of time in self-service junkyards. These days, he writes for publications including Autoweek, Autoblog, Hagerty, The Truth About Cars and Capital One.

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  • Luvmyv8 Luvmyv8 on May 04, 2013

    Here's what I believe, normal cars, like my '12 4Runner for example, should have emission controls on them. There's no reason not to. Our normal daily drivers are just fine with them. However, I live in California. Recently I discussed the possibility of importing a '78-'81 Nissan Skyline GT-ES Turbo, but CARB pretty much makes it an impossibility to do so. What's incredibly stupid about CARB is how strict they are on modification, even if it quite literally does improve emissions. Case in point, my hypophetical '78 Skyline; it had a 140hp L20ET engine, a 2.0L OHC Turbo 6 cylinder with no intercooler or even blow off valve. Let's suppose that I wanted to install a SR20DET or even a RB26DETT into it. The SR would be a cleaner burning engine no doubt, even the RB too, but it would still be illegal according to CARB, even if the sniff test would pass with flying colors. They would prefer the dirtier L series engine only because it's correct to the vehicle. Stuff like that is asinine. I find CARB to be such, though as a whole, CARB is very much anti- enthusiast car.

  • RJM RJM on May 04, 2013

    I went for the environmental approach. I have a solar-electric panel and a Nissan Leaf for in-town (great acceleration from the stoplights)and a pius Prius for longer trips or when the wife and I need to go different places at the same time. I just wish the government would keep the pressure for improved batteries and Thorium-cycle nuclear electricity. Researchers are developing nano-tech batteries with 10 times the capacity per weight of current Li-Ion batteries, and the waste from Thorium cycle nuclear plants can be re-used to eliminate the multi-thousand year toxicity. (Problem is that plutonium is one of the intermediates - need to have adequate security)

  • MaintenanceCosts It's not a Benz or a Jag / it's a 5-0 with a rag /And I don't wanna brag / but I could never be stag
  • 3-On-The-Tree Son has a 2016 Mustang GT 5.0 and I have a 2009 C6 Corvette LS3 6spd. And on paper they are pretty close.
  • 3-On-The-Tree Same as the Land Cruiser, emissions. I have a 1985 FJ60 Land Cruiser and it’s a beast off-roading.
  • CanadaCraig I would like for this anniversary special to be a bare-bones Plain-Jane model offered in Dynasty Green and Vintage Burgundy.
  • ToolGuy Ford is good at drifting all right... 😉
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