If I ever opened up a financial consulting business in Boca Raton, I wouldn’t do it for the money.
I would do it for the cars.
Forget about paying me a fee. Just will to me your cherry, top of the line ride. I’ll invest your money without ever churning that portfolio. Honest. I’ll leave that to the Goldman Sachs office that’s a few doors down from my more modest digs.
As my silent partner Joe Isuzu would say, “You have my word on it.”
Now Mr. Investor! Let’s start with some well chosen divestitures!
For starters, I need something that will ferry me off for the half mile drive from my palatial home on the shoreline, to the Starbucks, and then to work.
On second thought, I think I’ll just work here. Lincoln Lawyer… meet Cadillac Certified Financial Planner.
This 2006 model Cadillac DTS Limo has only 1,704 original miles and all of the essentials.
Lights for business meetings. Lights for other pleasurable journeys. Lights for the sheer hell of it.
Now that is one cool deal! Although I would have to customize that seat a bit so that I could get a good night of rest.
Then there are the seats for my daily work. Nice. But I would like something that has a bit more manual recline and don’t look like they belong in some conversion van made ten years ago.
Also, what am I to do with my computer, printer, files and various subscriptions to business publications that I never read?
Screw it. I’ll just watch TV and get an Ipad.
Finally, there is only one other thing to consider.
Thank Goodness! I don’t want to mess with any indoor plumbing. Just find me a Waffle House with free coffee refills and I’ll bring the Charmin’.
Somehow I think a ride fit for a President would be more worthy of a decamillionaire’s consideration than a visit to a building with dozens of non-descript offices. But as a guy who used to take a six hour limo ride from Michigan to northern Ohio every two weeks, I can tell you these things get real old.
I would rather have a good conversation and a cheap Impala that keeps me better connected to my surroundings and the Internet. But how about you? Any limo rides and experiences worthy of a Monday morning?