2013 Geneva Auto Show: A Selected Retrospective

The Geneva Auto Show is now behind us, which means today’s automotive journalists will finally stop tweeting pictures of how expensive a cup of coffee would be, if only it wasn’t being paid for by Audi.

It also means everyone’s supercar fix is over for the year. Indeed, after being dazzled by McLaren, Porsche, Ferrari and Lamborghini, automaker employees must return home to whatever mid-level version of their employer’s least popular model they call their company car.

If you missed Geneva, have no fear. I’m here to guide you through the highlights as you sit at home, presumably in a place where a coat hanger doesn’t cost $30.

For Porsche fans, Geneva meant the debut of a new 911 GT3, which angered purists by not offering a stick shift, drum brakes or a crank starter. Porsche justified its decision by announcing that “It’s faster with PDK,” which is German double-speak for “it’s cheaper for us to develop PDK.”

The Lamborghini world looked up from their lines of cocaine long enough to watch the debut of the Veneno, which – as Derek Kreindler pointed out yesterday – was undoubtedly designed by a young boy, probably after sharing some of that cocaine with the Lambo owners. (Predicted number of commenters angered by this: 4.) Fun fact: “Veneno” translates from Spanish as “poison.” Presumably, on the eyes.

McLaren also tossed its hat into the Geneva ring, releasing a production version of its P1 supercar. This involved taking the bronze-colored “concept” version shown in Paris and painting it yellow. Even though it was otherwise identical, we were all very excited.

Which brings us to Ferrari, who released the car shown at the top of the page, called the LaFerrari. Folks… the LaFerrari. If Juliet knew of this when she uttered her “rose by any other name” speech, she would have recanted. And vomited.

Interestingly, the decision to name it LaFerrari came from the top, Luca di Montezemolo, who undoubtedly decided on the name to punish the board of directors after they wouldn’t let him call it the Ferrari Luca di Montezemolo and airbrush a likeness of himself on the fender shields.

Of course, it wasn’t all supercars in Geneva. Volkswagen also had a busy show, releasing updated versions of pretty much every car in their lineup. Unfortunately, none of these revisions made the Tiguan any cheaper. Or masculine.

The biggest news at VW was the announcement that the GTD could come to the US after years of popularity elsewhere. Unfortunately, in Volkswagen’s typical “you win some, you lose some” world, it may also be accompanied by an electric Golf, which we sincerely hope is not built in Mexico.

Volvo also showed a revised product line, pulling the covers off new versions of the S60, S80, XC60 and XC70. Unfortunately, the brand didn’t show off a revised XC90, leaving the car to compete with the G-Wagen for the title of “oldest new car available.” Fun fact: since the XC90 came out, there have been four different iterations of the Chevrolet Malibu.

By the way, Volvo also revealed an updated V60 in Geneva. It’s a good thing for Volvo this car doesn’t get more coverage in the US, because if it did, the response would be unanimous: you gave us the C30 instead of this?

After lackluster sales of its 5 Series GT, BMW decided to try its hand at a 3 Series GT. This is the same logic that caused Lincoln to follow up its Blackwood pickup with a new truck called the Mark LT. It didn’t go well for them, either.

Alfa Romeo pulled the cover its new 4C sports car, but apparently forgot to pull the cover off the 4C’s headlights, which are shrouded behind a piece of plastic they probably got from whoever made the Chrysler Sebring’s interior.

We’ll miss Geneva, but our wallets won’t. That’s especially true for journalists who accidentally got Euros from the currency exchange, forgetting Switzerland has yet to abandon the Swiss Franc. Oops. Good thing Audi was paying for everything.

Doug DeMuro operates PlaysWithCars.com. He’s owned an E63 AMG wagon, roadtripped across the US in a Lotus without air conditioning, and posted a six-minute laptime on the Circuit de Monaco in a rented Ford Fiesta. One year after becoming Porsche Cars North America’s youngest manager, he quit to become a writer. His parents are very disappointed.