Porsche 918 Pricing Is Released. May We Show You Something Else In Stock?

We’ve yet to see a production-spec 918 Spyder on an auto-show display, but if the latest pricing report is accurate, many would-be buyers might want to take a look at the alternatives in the market — such as a sack containing more than thirty pounds of gold bullion, or a nice solid early Beechcraft King Air.

LeftLane reports that the 918 will base at a staggering $845,000. The Weissach Package sheds 77 pounds of weight and improves braking, presumably through the use of expensive material substitutions. It is expected to cost $929,000. LeftLane believes the 918 will make 795 horsepower in hybrid mode, which will make it more than acceptably rapid.

The pricing of the 918, if accurate, means that Porsche’s hybrid supercar won’t be competing with Corvettes and GT-Rs in the market. Rather, it will have some entirely different competition. Here are a few of the things you could buy with $929,000. As a Internet car enthusiast, you no doubt have the clean title in hand for all your cars, an eight-figure investment plan, and all sorts of high-income opportunities coming your way. (I gathered that by watching Internet car enthusiasts argue in forums.) So consider these alternatives before you place your 918 order:

The 2013 Chinese Gold Panda 1oz Coin. Quantity: 516.

The Chinese own this country as thoroughly as my bank owns my home. Don’t you feel sorry for both of them? Show some love by purchasing 516 Gold Panda coins from APMEX. Tell ’em Jack sent you. And when they ask who Jack is, I’m the guy who got drunk, put a hundred Krugerrands in the online cart, clicked “Purchase Now With Bank Draft,” passed out, then had to explain to the very nice APMEX lady who called to finalize the transaction that I was not going to buy the coins after all. Not my finest hour.

1980 Beechcraft Super King Air

The 918 Spyder will likely break 200mph. It had better break 200mph, since you can break 200mph by spending $40K on a slightly tuned-up used Mercedes CL600. Would you like to go faster than either a 918 or a CL600? How about 339mph? With 13 of your closest friends? Why not try this King Air 200? It has auto pilot! It has a bathroom! It has reasonably fresh wing bolts! Keep those wings bolted on! It’s a nonstop flight to and from almost any city in the United States! Learning to fly it will be easy!

One Riley Track Day Special, One Switzer GT2, and A Year Of Vegas Weekends

Why would you buy a Porsche 918 anyway? To go fast and meet women, obviously. Can we accomplish these tasks more efficiently for the same price? Yes we can. Start with a Riley Track Car. Zip around VIR in a minute and forty-four seconds. I’d want mine in lime green with the BMW V10, a dog box, and some spare bodywork. Let’s figure pricing for that would be $275,000. We’ll want it to live at Laguna Seca in a garage, and fly out to see it occasionally, so round up to $300K. I’d then add a Switzer GT2 to the fleet. You can build one with a solid 2008-vintage donor car for $200K and have some extra tires. We’ve then got a car that humiliates the 918 on track and one that slaps it around on the street. But we still have $429,000 left? Well, why not a year’s worth of flights to Vegas for the weekend. You can rent whatever supercar you like, stay in a great room, and still have five grand left for the girl. I’d recommend my pal Jessica Janson. (Warning: Even Googling her name will GET YOU FIRED FROM YOUR JOB AND LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN HOMELESS. Don’t do it.) Tell her Jack sent you. If she needs reminding, Jack was the guy in the Brioni jacket and MESA/Boogie T-shirt who said he left his wallet back at the hotel but couldn’t find it once they got there.

Of course, some of you aren’t interested in hoarding gold, ballin’ across the sky, or setting lap records in between lost weekends in the arms of a gorgeous young woman who has just returned to the strip game and could really use your support right now to further her ambitions as a writer and entertainer. You insist on having a limited-production Porsche, built to the highest standard, styled to shock the heart and blow the boulevard away. Okay, okay. I get it. Go here and shut up. Thanks for shopping!