Hammer Time: Morning Calls

Steven Lang
by Steven Lang

Morning phone rings at the car lot…

Me: Hello?

Random Stranger: Hi there, like, I have this friend you know and he told me that you finance vehicles, and his name is Emmanuel and aahhh, like I was wondering, well, uh, do you have any Toyotas and like, do you, ummm… finance vehicles you know?

Me: I’m sorry. Who is this?

Random Stranger: My name is Lashandra and like, you know, I was really wondering whether you have any Toyotas, and like, how much can you give me if I came by with four or five hundred dollars because my friend Emmanuel…

Me: Where do you live?

Random Stranger: I live in Georgia, like, you know, I live in this state.

Me: (Laughing) I know you live in this state! Where in Georgia do you live? I only finance folks in Paulding, Cobb, and Douglas counties.

Random Stranger: Oh, I live in Fulton. Emmanuel said that you…. (three minute diatribe with 17 likes, 14 aaahhs, and 11 you knows).

Me: Do you have any coffee nearby?

Random Stranger: Why would I need coffee?

Me: I need coffee. I really need a cup of coffee. Call me back.

Random Stranger: Well, um, ahh, OK… but Emmanuel said that you (I give the phone to my confused dog and walk off.)

Craigslist always seems to bring out the weird people on a Friday morning. Or it could be Ebay on a Wednesday afternoon. Or even Autotrader on a Monday evening. Sometimes I get the most random, scary, and gibberish driven calls you can imagine. We’re talking about people still stuck in the outer space of their daily lives in a futile pursuit of a Planet X located in the netherworld of their cranium.

Here are a few personal examples…

The Questionnaire: “Hi there. I just have a few questions to ask you. How many miles does it have? How many owners? When was the last time you had it serviced? When was the last time you changed the oil?”

This is followed seven minutes later with…

“How often have you used the glovebox? Is the glovebox fully operational? How about the headliner? And the driver’s side cupholder. Do all the cupholders work? Do you have a Carfax? Good. How many owners?”

The Dreamer: “I see you’re selling a Harley on Ebay. Let me ask you a question. I have never been on a highway while driving a motorcycle. Do you think I can drive it up to Tennessee?”

NOTE: After explaining to her the Darwinian nature of her quest, she still ended up becoming the winning bidder. Following a two month wait, her son came down to Atlanta in a Saturn with some bungee cords. He was going to tie the Harley up on the roof and drive it back.

The Hardsell Discount SOB: “Hi there. I want to buy car! You sell it at discount?”… after explaining that I don’t negotiate over the phone and the car is listed for $10k… “You take $6000? I have cash! I have cash money!”…

NOTE: You never, ever, want to deal with these people face to face. What they will usually do is only speak in their native language and then act completely clueless when you explain to them the price. This will be done over an agonizing two hour period where you will find renewed interest in sorting out your trash bin, paying bills, and dialing in a 34-part Taco Bell survey.

The Needle-(nose): “Yeah. I saw that Mercedes window regulator you have on Craigslist for $80. I have $20 cash and I’ll take it off your hands. Will you take 20?”…

Five minutes later…”Will you take 25? No? Well call me when you’re ready to sell!”

Text, fifteen minutes later: “Cmn man! I ned it! Ur car a deesl?”

Seven texts later: “OK30. Final ofr!”

Two days later: “Stel god it?”

NOTE: This is by far the #1 reason why most dealers won’t part out a crappy car on Craigslist anymore.

The “I don’t know.”: “Hi there. I’m looking for a car.”

Me: “Great. I have plenty available. What’s your price range and what models interest you?”

IDK: “I don’t know. I’m just looking for something that is safe and reliable.”

Me: “Well, I have a 2003 Volvo S40 for $5000. It was dealer maintained since day one and I can email the Carfax and pictures if you like.”

IDK: “I don’t want a European car.”

Me: “Do you want American, Korean, or Japanese?”

IDK: “I don’t know. I’m just looking for a car.”

Me: “Well, what price range are you looking for?”

IDK: It doesn’t matter. I’m just looking for A to B.

Me: “Well, I have an 02 Corolla. It…”

IDK: I want something bigger and newer.

NOTE: Fifteen minutes later you will find out that they want to spend no more than $5000 on a five year old car… with leather.. and it must be a Toyota Camry LE.

The Life Story! :

Me: Hello?

“Yes, I’m calling about that 1998 Subaru Outback. You know I used to have one of those and let me tell you… those cars…”

Fifteen minutes and 1 very strong cup of coffee later…

“Well, I’m just looking. But call me if any more of those get in…”

NOTE: On a slow day the Life Story can be one of your most enjoyable customers because they actually know something about cars. The life story is more often than not a bored enthusiast who also has a long list of hobbies, random stories involving their kids, and an unusual desire for “that one car”. I even had one fly down to pick up a car from me, sight unseen.

The “I saw it on TV” Caller

Me: Hello?

TV: “Wha-cha got for a thousand dollars!”

Me: “I’m sorry. What is it you’re looking for?”

TV: “I’m a wholesaler. I’m looking for a cheap thousand dollar car. I need one with a good engine and good transmission. I wholesale cars.”

Me: “Where are you out of?”

TV: “Well… umm… I live in Marietta.”

Me: “Why are you telling me you “live” in Marietta if you’re a wholesaler?”

TV: “Well, I’m just getting started.”

Me: “OK then. Where is your place? I know plenty of wholesalers out of Marietta. None of them sell thousand dollar cars out of their home.”

NOTE: Most TV customers have visited public auctions and haven’t quite grasped the fact that cheap cars at those sales are cheap for a reason. Most cars wholesaled for $1000 these days are worth more parted out than kept together.

I usually average about two to three of these calls a month.

Every business deals with these types of customers in one form or another. So since we’re headed to the thick of another nice long three day weekend, feel free to share your stories. All the best!

Steven Lang
Steven Lang

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  • Markholli Markholli on Jan 21, 2013

    Great read! I found myself laughing along with each type because I've dealt with them all. I have helped a several friends and family members buy and sell cars, and do a little wholesaling on my own. I agree with Steven's policy of never negotiating price over the phone. What's the point? If you are going to buy a used car, you'd be a fool not to look at it closely in person and drive it before making an offer.

    • See 1 previous
    • Danio3834 Danio3834 on Jan 22, 2013

      I agree, it's stupid and a little insulting. They figure if they can work you down a few notches before they even see the car, that is the new starting point for negotiations. To these people a "will you take x$" offer over the phone isn't an agreement at all. These people obviously haven't dealt much in real estate. I know when I put an offer in on a house, I don't do it over the phone before seeing it. Even if I did, I know I wouldn't be able to sumbit a second or third lower offer AFTER and inspection. Whenever I get someone like this who actually comes close to my bottom dollar, I tell them sure come get it. If they try and dicker at all when they get here, I try and shame them into keeping in line with their offer. Me: "But you made an offer of X, are you going back on our deal?" Jackwagon: "Err but that was before I saw the (few minor) flaws" Me: "I guess you shouldn't make deals on cars over the phone then"

  • Olddavid Olddavid on Jan 21, 2013

    When I was a kid, I believed myself my Father's equal as a salesman. The hubris of childhood. The man who had learned the car business with Pete Estes and Bunkie Knudsen had a son who thought - at age 12 - he had earned his "dealer plate". One day, probably a Friday, with entire family working everywhere (our PPV was a 60 units, also known as five new units per month) a man came into the store, and like the wanna-be I was, I asked him what he was looking for. My Father was aghast. "He's not looking for a loaf of bread!" For some reason, this broke the man up completely. When the laughter died down, the man revealed he was in town for a conference and was looking to replace his messenger fleet - which was 12 cars. The problem was logistics. His business was 350 miles away, and additionally, our entire inventory was maybe 30 vehicles. So, my Dad, rather than making this an obstacle, chose to approach this as an opportunity. In the early Sixties, the manufacturers had what was called "Dealer Drive". You could order a car - watch it being built - and then after PDI, drive it away from the factory and save the freight charges. I'm still convinced this added scrutiny made the workers extra vigilant because they recognized themselves in each customer, and consequently were very careful builders. My Dad organized a charter and took 10 employees of the messenger company (which coincidentally included the company's owner and his clandestine mistress) to Kenosha to take delivery of their cars. I was amazed at the instinctive recognition of my Father to this business potential and his solutions to it. Plus, I had a great trip that included several Cubs games and the Indy 500. One of the highlights of my childhood. We ended up selling this company a new fleet every two years until the sale of the franchise. I'm proud to have been the son of this upstanding businessman who was fair to every customer he ever had. I still miss him.

    • See 1 previous
    • Johnny ro Johnny ro on Jan 21, 2013

      @Kyree Your dad was great. Good story. In the context of the original post, he had an ideal customer. Two smart pleasant confident people across the handshake = happy transaction.

  • Honda1 The FJB Inflation Reduction Act will end up causing more inflation down the road, fact! Go ahead and flame me libbies, get back to me in a few years!
  • Cprescott Fisker is another brand that Heir Yutz has killed.
  • Dwford Every country is allowed to have trade restrictions except the US.
  • 1995 SC Are there any mitigation systems that would have prevented this though? We had a ship hit a bridge in Jacksonville a few years back and it was basically dumb luck it didn't collapse. This looked like a direct hit.
  • Cprescott Oh, well.
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