By on November 14, 2012
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All 12 North American employees have been officially notified that their jobs are saved.

“Look, I get bored! Did you ever have that urge to just fire someone just because it’s a Monday.” said Suzuki founder Maruti Suzuki.

“I remembered when Consumer Reports did that nasty little hack job on our Samurai and, well, it’s been nearly 25 years since the last hit. 25 years! We were becoming the Wavy Gravy of car brands and I just had to do something to wake these people up.”

Karen Carpenter, president of Suzuki International PR Operations also informed TTAC of a new requirement for Suzuki Auto employees,  “Speaking of which, every Suzuki Auto employee who wants to be rehired will now have to streak to the flag pole at our headquarters wearing nothing more than a skinny tire in honor of the 25th anniversary release of the last new US Spec Suzuki Samurai.”

Ms. Carpenter continued, “The song “Top Of the World” will be resounding throughout the loudpseakers in Japanese as Mr. Suzuki proudly celebrates the re-opening of their North American headquarters with the reintroduction of three historic Suzuki model names for our North American line-up.”

“The SX4 will now be the Swift. A new small 4×4 will be coming from Japan that will be deemed the Samurai, and yes, we will offer a CU Suck It! Edition which will feature no sway bars, struts from our surplus Forenza inventory, and 23″ tires.”

“Finally we will be renaming the Grand Vitara the Sidekick, with Chuck Norris inflicting his own patented sidekick to random celebrities whenever the opportunity arises. Paris Hilton, Donald Trump, the Duggars, you have all been warned!”

Note: The author was given a free tank of gas, insurance, a Carpenters greatest hits album, and a 15 year old Suzuki Esteem Wagon in exchange for this press release. Actually, I bought the Esteem at a public auction for $600 with a free tank of gas, an expired insurance card in the glovebox, and a very worn Carpenters cassette that was temporarily stuck in the tape deck. The noxious fumes and cat hair I experienced right afterwards were the inspiration for this article.

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20 Comments on “Just Kidding! Suzuki Decides To Play Late April Fools Joke On North American Employees...”


  • avatar
    rpilot

    Many Suzuki North American employees who have been laid off will not find this amusing. While TTAC has been doing a great job of chronicling the demise of the Suzuki North American Car operation, this is simply in bad taste.

    • 0 avatar
      Acd

      In the immortal words of our bestest buddy and new big toe Sgt. Hulka, “Lighten up Francis!”

    • 0 avatar
      nrcote

      >>> Many Suzuki North American employees who
      >>> have been laid off will not find this amusing.

      You want amusing? Suzuki Canada is still in business, so some North American employees still have a job. Suzuki will leave the US but stay in Canada? Now, that is amusing.

      You want bad taste? Suzuki fought against Consumer Reports for many years about a crappy vehicle, i.e. the Samurai. Now, that is bad taste.

    • 0 avatar

      Anyone notice how some of our commentators have become a lot more critical of the TTAC writers lately? I understand the utility of constructive criticism and all, but when you start seeing little snipes and pot shots like these, you have to wonder…

    • 0 avatar
      tresmonos

      Coming from personal experience: when I was laid off from my OEM, nothing pleased me more than to see the press slap the company across the face.

      If everything was written such that no one would be offended, this website would absolutely blow.

    • 0 avatar
      Crabspirits

      Oh my. Sen-sa-tive……

  • avatar
    Slab

    Nice to see that Ms. Carpenter found a job in the afterlife.

  • avatar
    Virgil Hilts

    We’ve Only Just Begun….to learn the real story…was it a Rainy Day on that Monday?

  • avatar

    Or is it an early April Fools joke?

  • avatar

    Unfortunately, the information from fictionalized Suzuki PR as found in this article, would probably be just as effective of a restart as anything else :/

  • avatar
    holydonut

    I think someone should remove Steven’s ability to post and publish when he’s driving through Colorado.

  • avatar
    Freddy M

    If I were one of those Suzuki employees, I’d gladly return to work immediately, but I’d still be looking for a new job and not waste this “second wind.”

    The fact that the initial announcement of shut down occurred and was cancelled, for whatever reasons, shows that my job would probably not be very secure for the foreseeable future.

  • avatar
    1998redwagon

    i do not understand how this article informs me of anything. i understand it is supposed to be humorous. i fail to find the humor. is this a self-fail? i think not.

    it would appear that someone is a little short on their weekly quota of articles.

    • 0 avatar
      SqueakyVue

      +1

    • 0 avatar
      Steven Lang

      This article is a humorous slant at Suzuki’s all too flaky relationship with their American subsidiary over the years which we have covered extensively at TTAC.

      If a few of you don’t get it, then just read up on our recent Suzuki Deathwatch, and you’ll know firsthand of the subtle points brought up in this article.

      Here is a Cliff Notes version…

      We believe Suzuki did a terrible disservice by retracting a press release that stated their exit from the US market, and didn’t listen to their American managers for decades. Their 25+ year drought here in the states, and 5,000 unit sales for all of 2012, were emblematic of a corporate culture that simply didn’t value the contributions of American employees and consumers.

      Long story short, nobody bats a thousand when it comes to writing these things. That’s the challenge with developing any new column at any automotive site. Not even those of us here who have thankfully been quota free since 2006.

      All the best, and thanks for the feedback. Even when I’m wrong I value it.

  • avatar
    scrappy17

    Suzuki founder in NOT Maruti Suzuki as mentioned in the article.

    Maruti Suzuki is the name of the JV suzuki has in India with the Maruti car company since the early eighties.

  • avatar
    daveainchina

    See here I thought this was just a joke to post that video. I figure it was a blatant advertising plug.

    I’m certainly not offended, just can’t figure why I watched that video, I kept looking for the joke myself.


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