Last night I ate a little ‘Clucky’ chicken.
Normally I don’t touch the stuff. But I was hungry and seeing that the usual dinner food wasn’t filling me up, I decided to have one piece of fried chicken.
One thing I know now. If there is a hell, they serve nothing but fried chicken there.
While losing about 3% of my body mass and undergoing the deepest sleep since grad school, I had a disturbing dream.
SUV’s, full-sized, and loaded up with long lost cousins from Appalachia. I had to drive these people all over the place with an unending cacophony of sounds and smells assaulting me every minute.
What the hell was I doing driving all these people in and out of the ‘holler’? I had no clue. It was a nightmare after all that I’m sure someone, somewhere, has to live through. The best part of it was waking up, finding out that my dream was simply that, and once again getting better acquainted with a nearby porcelain prayer bench.
This brings me to the central part of today’s question. There are certain vehicles that I simply can not review with the straight face of appreciation. Full-sized SUV’s that are nothing more than overbuilt mini yellow buses hit that personal prejudice with a vengeance.
I’m a small car guy. Yes, I can appreciate the luxury and the grandeur that is a rolling chariot. But other than the descendants of Duggars, I can’t see 99+% of the buying public getting a good use out of them.
Plus, what the hell am I supposed to say when reviewing one? The seats on the Escalade are 15% softer than those on the QX56? The ride is equally ponderous? The design of the sheetmetal seems to be less of a by-product of a thyroid condition? I have no feel or need for these Leviathans… but I’m glad that someone else does. Let them have my nightmare!
How about you? Is there a type of vehicle that you simply would not be able to stand as your daily driver? Feel free to consider all market niches, existing and defunct. Plus, avoid eating Clucky if you can. His commercials may be nice. But he is one mean little bastard once he gets in you.