By on June 4, 2012

A story on GM Inside News reported on GM’s trademarking of the “GNX” and “Grand National” nameplates. Let’s see how far the blogosphere can spin this one.

As most of us know, rumor is often treated as fact in the click-hungry jungle known as the blogosphere. While automakers routinely trademark names for no other reason than to lock them down, that won’t stop your average wretch from spinning such a mundane move into THE RETURN OF THE BUICK GRAND NATIONAL. It’s not like anybody cares. As long as worthless, inaccurate stories are churned out, click dollars can be made and maybe, just maybe the writer will get invited to a nice press drive somewhere warm.

Having just taken Project G-Body for a spin (yes, it lives. That’s it up above. Story coming soon), I’d like to see an updated GN as much as anyone. If I may indulge in typical low grade speculation, a Zeta-derived GN with a twin-turbo high feature V6 would be lovely. But as Peter DeLorenzo says, I’d file that under “notgonnahappen.com”.

If anyone finds any egregious examples of rumor-mongering or just outright false information, post them in the comments. I will contact the winner and send them some kind of auto journalist swag as a reward.

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35 Comments on “TTAC Betting Pool: What Will Be The Worst Story To Come From GM’s Trademarking Of “Grand National”...”


  • avatar

    Does it still count if I write the egregious post myself? I don’t even care about the swag, I just like winning.

  • avatar
    Robert.Walter

    Either that the reanimated zombie of Alfred Sloan had recovered the original tooling from the bottom of a boiling steel crucible thus enabling the car to go back into production, OR GM is gonna slap these nameplates on a variant of the Volt.

    Just occurs to me that there is a third possibility, that GM will soon be merged into S-GM, and the new Chinese owners want to be sure the trademark is unencumbered so that they can apply it to FMVSS compliant variants of a Wuling 3-wheeled delivery vehicle.

    • 0 avatar
      KalapanaBlack

      LMAO…

      I’m not sure what the rumors will consist of (there are already some hoping that it’ll be a two-door variant of the pointless Chevrolet SS-Monaro-GTO-G8-Zeta-Commodore-Police-Interceptor-whatever vehicle), but you can bet it’ll pop up on GMInsideNews first.

      Anyone else remember their “dream lineups,” mish-mashed photoshopped (poorly) ’06 Impala press shots mixed with early-00s concept cars with hilariously short wheelbases and 40″ wheels? They did lineups for Chevy, Buick, and Cadillac, but I think they largely disappeared during the bailout when they realized GM would actually have to make cars that sold to more than just GMI readers.

  • avatar
    ranwhenparked

    This could be as simple as GM protecting the trademarks, they may have no intention of ever actually using them again. Maybe a lowered and blacked out Regal concept car at the 2013 Detroit show to “test the water”, but that would be about it.

    • 0 avatar
      APaGttH

      Yup, that is what I’m thinking. Although I thought that when GM TM SS and now they are building an SS. So based on recent past performance, I would say there is at least a chance something is afoot.

  • avatar
    missinginvlissingen

    Fingers crossed that this will be the upgraded-wheels-and-spoiler Verano trim package that the market is clamoring for!

    • 0 avatar
      KalapanaBlack

      Oh, or that ridiculous little CUV thing they’re coming out with. Encore or whatever. Looks like a Kozy Koupe.

      A triple-supercharged 1.1L engine with direct injection and 152 hp that gets 31 mpg. And, of course, those new automated Venetian blinds behind the grille for that all important extra 0.3 highway mpg.

  • avatar
    Mandalorian

    Could be the Buick version of the 2014 Impala, a 2-door with AWD and a Corvette Engine.

  • avatar
    KalapanaBlack

    One final thought: please, please, PLEASE let it be the long-rumored badge-engineered Saturn Vuick mild hybrid.

  • avatar
    cfclark

    What, no one’s offered up “Buick Verano GNX” yet?

  • avatar
    APaGttH

    The grandson of the GNX already exists. It would be a LSA powered Zeta. They sell them in Europe and Australia today, why not here? They would have to improve the interior but those bits already exist. The Buick exterior styling already exists in the Chinese built Buick Park Avenue. It doesn’t seem like it would be all that hard to do rummaging through the existing international parts bin.

    Not saying they are doing it – just saying everything to do it is right there, and the LaCrosse is an inadequate flagship, and Buick needs a halo vehicle.

    • 0 avatar
      KalapanaBlack

      Buick needs a halo vehicle like Cadillac needs another competitor.

      While we’re at it, Buick needs a Volt, and Cadillac needs a truck, and Buick needs a subcompact, and they all need a sporty version (let’s name it something Native American), and then maybe a foreign outlet brand (hmmm, I’ve always liked the planet with rings), and how about a vehicle for older people who don’t want to spend Cadillac money, with a name to match… I sure hope nobody’s tried this before!

      • 0 avatar
        APaGttH

        Based on all your posts in this thread your anti-GM/Buick but I’ll entertain the reply.

        Lexus: 15 models – LFA halo car (and lets add, almost 50% of sales (give or take) come for the RX)
        Infiniti: 9 models
        Acura: 7 models – NSX halo car coming
        Buick: Verano, Regal, LaCrosse, Enclave, coming Encore

        Buick doesn’t have a deep product offering as it is. The GM Zeta platform is an excellent rear-wheel drive chassis with global respect. A three year old used G8 is selling for what they were selling for new in 2009 (do a search). With the new updated VF platform coming it is also getting updated – so the “dated” argument doesn’t hold water.

        A Zeta Buick is already offered in China as the Park Avenue.

        Appreciate your deep contributions to the B&B in this thread.

      • 0 avatar
        tikki50

        Actually I think they do need a halo car, they need a vehicle that will help break the old man’s car mentality. A car that says, this is Buick, something that’s definitely NOT going to appeal to the older crowd, a two door coupe that’s’ refined and slick with design that appeals to a more youthful customer. I say make use of the CTS coupe V.

    • 0 avatar
      noxioux

      As much fun as I’m having disliking GM these days, I have to agree that would be cool. The GNX/Grand National moniker will have exactly ZERO cache outside enthusiast circles, and in order to appeal to that crowd, the GNX would have to have a level of rambunction that only an LS-powered platform could pull off. A fancy badge and some trim on the new Regal absolutely will not cut it.

      I suppose another insane turbo V6 would be OK, too. But it would truly have to be something truly above and beyond.

  • avatar
    SilverHawk

    Love rumor-mongering, so I’ll take a shot. The GNX will be a halo model for the slow selling Regal. The Grand National will be a performance version of the inevitable RWD cars that Buick will sell when production moves to North America. The “heritage” thing is running rampant at GM right now, so this almost makes sense.

  • avatar
    seanx37

    Wouldn’t an Americanized Insignia OPC be good enough? Just slap the Regal badges on it. Maybe tune it to about 350hp instead of the 321 in Europe. Leave the v8 Zeta to Chevy as the SS, or Chevelle as is should be called.

    • 0 avatar
      rentonben

      I’d love to see that – leave the Zeta LSA combo to Chevy. Buicks (now) are sleek/small/turbo things, and the OPC as GNX would fit right in the modern Buick lineup. Black should be the only color.

  • avatar
    mr_muttonchops

    While I would love a performance Buick as the next guy who remembers performance Buicks, I also sorta feel that if the Grand National name should be revived, it should also involve the motorsport applications to live up to the original namesake. I could care less about the body style or maybe even the drivewheels (it’s GOTTA be turbo’d out the wazoo, though) so long as it has the pedigree and performance cred of the originals.

    That said I’m guessing the Grand National will be an appearance package for the Grand Sport, while the GNX will be something akin to the Insignia OPC. Just being realistic here.

  • avatar
    ajla

    The GNX was the Grand National to end all Grand Nationals. They don’t make Buick engines anymore. Remember the lessons from calling a Monaro a GTO.

    I would like to see a performance Buick model, but I’d prefer the GN name to remain in the past.

    • 0 avatar
      beefmalone

      The current LSx engines have almost nothing in common with chevy engines of the past. The fate of the GTO had more to do with the extraordinarly-poor marketing & lack of traditional GTO styling cues in the ’04 than the engine choice.

      • 0 avatar
        ajla

        And the LS series has even less in common with anything that ever powered a car that wore the Grand National badge. I know that they are technically considered “GM” engines and not “Chevrolet” engines and that they aren’t a part of the original SBC family…

        But still… a LS-powered GN? Like I wrote earlier, I welcome higher performance Buicks but I hope they leave the name in the past.

        My point with the GTO comment wasn’t that using the LS1 was a bad idea but that GM should not go resurrecting heritage names just for the heck of it.

  • avatar
    Mark MacInnis

    What? No “T-Type”?

  • avatar
    DIYer

    http://www.streetlegaltv.com/news/slp-teases-new-300hp-turbo-v6-buick-regal-based-gnx/

    This is from a March 1, 2012 article, so it is kind of stale news.

    These quys would take a 270HP Regal GS, and tweak it to 300HP, redo the tires, suspension and brakes, and add ground effects. Limited production of 500 units.

    These are the same guys that tweaked the Pontiac Firebird and called it a Firehawk.

    • 0 avatar
      DubTee1480

      SLP can do higher volume I’m sure, they also converted Z28’s into SS’s during that same time period. I’m still kicking myself in the ass for not picking up a lightly used Zexel posi unit from a converted Z28 for my Sonoma.

  • avatar
    APaGttH

    FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

    Buick GNX Returns – More Kick Ass Then a Unicorn That Breathes Fire and Craps Gold Bricks

    General Motors bows to the will of the masses who say that they aren’t doing enough – comes up with dream Buick everyone is clamoring for.

    Detroit, Michigan – June 4, 2012: After a 25 year absence, the legendary GNX is returning to the Buick line up to thrill of car buyers everywhere

    “We’ve read everything on all the message boards and we’ve come through,” said GM spokesperson Dewey Cheatham. There won’t be anything like it on the planet.

    The new GNX will be based on a modified GM Zeta plaform from Australia. The frame will be made out of pure unobtanium, resulting in a 60% weight reduction from the last Zeta car, the Pontiac G8, coming in at 1,997 pounds.

    The AWD car will sport 17″ rims, “because internet posters complain about rims being too big,” but will rock 325/40R17 Michelin Pilots. The new compound made specifically for the GNX is so sticky, the car can be driven straight up the wall of a building and even on celings, but are guaranteed to last 150Kmiles. Replacement tires, only for Buick GNX owners, are just 10 each.

    The massive front and rear Brembo brakes have 16″ discs and six piston calipers. By bending the laws of time and space, GM was able to stuff the oversized stopping gear into those small rims. Stopping distance from 60 MPH is just 43 feet and even after the abuse of 100 drunken frat boys there was no fade, warping, or need to replace brake pads.

    But the real magic is under the hood. There a 6.2L modified LS3 engine is dual turbocharged, supercharged, and meth injected to produce 1025 HP. Also made of pure unobtanium, the engine runs on ordinary tap water and CO2 found in the atmosphere. “We wanted it to be just like a plant so it is green” said Dewey Cheatham. It emits northing pure oxygen and the exhaust can be switched to smell either like bakery fresh cinnamon rolls, or freshly mowed grass, depending on your mood. Because it runs on water, there is no issue with MPG, and there is no equivalent. Plus it saves the planet. For those who insist, a diesel option will be made available for late release, projected to get 1,532 MPG city, and 3,531 MPG highway. “We believe most people will go with the water options, “said Cheatham.

    The modified LS3 is attached to a 23 speed transmission (3 in reverse) to improve fuel economy and give the driver lots of gears to row through. “Having the bragging rights of the most gears was very critical to us,” said Cheatham. It will only be available with a manual, because GM has heard loud and clear that if they just built a manual only version everyone will buy it – however an automatic version will also be available.

    Inside the interior is covered in nothing but soft touch material, taken from the hides of veal calves and processed by hand by fine Italian craftsmen. The veal calves are free range, and bottle fed,and are read bedtime stories so they were humanly treated. There isn’t a seam in sight, the tolerances are so tight, that if you blocked the vents, the occupants would suffocate from a lack of oxygen. The center console has a 23″ wide 16:9 1080P touch screen display with infinite functionality. “We will offer an optional brain implant, so that the new GNX can read your mind and adjust the display accordingly.”

    It also comes with a lifetime subscription to Sirius radio, has an iPad in the glovebox and in both back seat map flaps, and can get satellite TV from 43 different countries. All standard.

    But best of all the new GNX will come with a price tag of just $4,995. That includes having it custom painted in any color you want, and the interior hand dyed to your specifications. GM spokesperson Cheatham said it will only cost GM $125 to build each one, including all overhead and benefit costs because magical elves work for next to nothing, and do a quality no human is capable of.

    A shooting brake variant is rumored to be coming, along with a wagon. Be looking for the new GNX at a showroom near you.

    # # # # #

    • 0 avatar
      ajla

      “There a 6.2L modified LS3 engine is dual turbocharged, supercharged, and meth injected to produce 1025 HP.”

      It better come with the option of removing two cylinders so that you can have a 4.1L or 3.8L V6 under the hood!!

      OTHERWISE IT IS JUST A STUPID CHEVY-POWERED PAUL HOGAN MOBILE AND I WONT BUY IT BECAUSE IT ISNT A PROPER BUICK!!!

      Maybe, ONLY MAYBE, if GM changes the LS3 so it has vertical valves, I’ll think about buying it used in 5 years.

  • avatar
    CJinSD

    They should just find a way of putting 450 hp under the hood of the Regal. With FWD and Mustang beating power, it should have the sort of sophisticated road manners that the last Grand National delivered.

  • avatar
    Educator(of teachers)Dan

    Sigh, this isn’t a crazy rumor but dang if you could get the 3.6 direct injected V6 at 300 naturally aspirated hp under the hood of the Regal, then I’d be interested.

  • avatar
    DenverMike

    The GNX was more like the original GTO than the Monaro was, but at $29,990, it was more than a new Corvette or 2 IROC-Zs. Out of the box, low 13 sec 1/4 mile was silly fast in ’87, but come on. The GNX used suspension and brakes straight off the GM parts bin for all G-bodies including your Aunt Millie’s Olds Cutlass. It could not stop and turning was just as risky.

    Let the name die with the dignity .

  • avatar
    nickoo

    Let’s just hope the new Grand National isn’t put on the current regal. The more I read about LaCrosse, Regal, Verano, the more of a joke they look like compared to BASE model brand competitors, and GM has the audacity to price them as if they are a step above base competitors…Buick deathwatch started after reading the autoblog review of e-assist regal yesterday.

  • avatar
    replica

    The new GN will be a Buick rebadge of the Chevy Cruze with luxury appointments.

    You heard it here first.


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