By on June 22, 2011

Doing less with more: it’s been the strategy of American print magazines since Baxter, Setright, and the other legends wandered off into the sunset. It’s hard not to be envious. Consider our friends and roamin’ countrymen of AutoWeek. Charged with the task of assembling thirty pages’ worth of content — equivalent to a few days of TTAC articles — they had no fewer than eleven manufacturer-and-owner-provided cars and motorcycles to review, plus a couple of all-expenses-paid junkets to far-off places.

What did they produce? Three full-sized stories, a couple of hasty paragraphs tossed off at the other cars to justify their continued “long-term-test” status, a two-page “Father’s Day Gift Guide” full of worthless garbage, and, of course, a bizarre rant about how fat and stupid Americans are.

Let’s talk about that last item, shall we?

The column in question, written by Dutch Mandel and entitled “Culture Crisis: Why We Don’t Drive Well”, is not yet available online, so you will have to suffer through the relevant excerpts here. It begins thusly:

It was a middle-finger salute that hinted I was no longer in Italy. My first clue could have been the oversized woman shoveling a breakfast sandwich into her maw… No, this isn’t Tuscany

There are no fat people in Tuscany? I know for a fact there was at least one fat person in Tuscany when Dutch Mandel was there. Mr. Mandel is exceptionally cautious about being photographed, but take it from me: this guy is on the wide side of chubby. This copyrighted photo gives you an idea, but it doesn’t convey the full rotund majesty of the way Dutch wobbles around the auto shows, and I mean wobbles around the auto shows. He looks like he went to a Goodyear press event and accidentally ate the blimp. His waist is so big, his press cars have to be followed by a second press car with a “Wide Load” sign on it. He has so many chins that Bertel Schmitt accidentally wrote an article on his financial prospects. His face is so fat that his eyes look like a two-player game of “Marble Madness” in a particularly difficult maze stage. From a distance, he appears to be a confused hippopotamus that has wandered into a pinstriped tent and is struggling desperately to escape.

Did that paragraph make you a little uncomfortable? It should. This is the twenty-first century and it’s ridiculous to judge people solely based on their appearance. It’s even worse when you consider that your humble author is 6’2″ and 230 pounds, certainly no lightweight himself and perhaps not ideally suited to make fun of other fat people. So why did Dutch start off his article that way? Well, it’s one of the oldest tricks in the hack’s book: Create the “us-and-them” situation from the jump. We, the readers, immediately feel superior to the fat woman “shoveling a breakfast sandwich into her maw.” How dare that obese bitch have breakfast? Fat people are supposed to be self-loathingly jolly in public and miserable in private! I’m glad I’m with Dutch, the ladies’ man and world traveler of Tuscany, and not Chubbosaurus in her (ugh, so declasse) minivan.

Let’s movie-montage through the middle of the article.

the best drivers might well come from Italy… we were embraced as if we were driving a Ferrari… they move out of the way when you race up behind them… we were escorted by superbike-riding polizia… it became a rite and a right… to drive with gusto, with brio, with purpose, while shooting gaps at triple-digit speeds… this is the law of driving well, and the Italians appreciate it.

To quote the least-talented Zappa, “Gag me with a spoon.” But we only have five paragraphs left, and this is supposed to be a column about why “we don’t drive well.” Thankfully, Dutch brings the knowledge.

We do not applaud the elegant fluidity of the double-clutch or that two-lane country-road pass into incoming traffic… we tuck behind the bumper of a honkin’ sport-ute

Us versus them again. Not only are we superior to fat people in minivans who are stuffing a fuckin’ breakfast sandwich in their fat mouths and probably on the way to take their kids to school or some other white-trash pursuit, we are better than the honkin’ sport-utes.

with room enough to slide an Arby’s roast beef melt between the two cars

Uh-oh. Talking about food has got Dutch worked up, and now he’s thinking Arby’s. Or is he showing off his manufacturer-paid cultural superiority to regular Americans? Let’s all laugh at those fat losers who have to pay their own money for three-dollar sandwiches on the way to work while we’re enjoying a gourmet trip to the Mille.

and say we’re “riding a cushion of air” in the draft

We’re soooo superior to NASCAR people! Wait… doesn’t this rag do NASCAR coverage? Let’s skip to the end.

What riled that breakfast-gobbling woman?

That bitch. I hope she dies and every kid in her minivan burns to a crisp. Sorry. I got ensnared by Dutch’s prose for a minute. Oops.

While making my commute, I saw ahead of me a garbage truck stopped with its flashers on, so I dove to my left in behind another car. As I made this move, I checked my mirrors to see her race to close a three-car gap. I eased into “her” space. She did not like this.

HOLD UP A SECOND. Let’s go back and understand this. Dutch was driving to work. His field of vision was so poor, and his eyes were so low on the road, that the fat, fat, fat, fat, fatty fat fat breakfast sandwich woman in the minivan SAW THE GARBAGE TRUCK IN HIS LANE BEFORE HE DID AND CLOSED THE GAP! Son, you just got hosed. If that woman had been packing as much motor as your press Bimmer or whatever it was, she would have pulled your size-24 big-girl panties down in front of the whole world.

She convulsed. She quaked. And she shot me the bird.

Yeah, because you swerved in front of her at what was probably the last minute. I repeat: fat minivan woman was in action before Dutch was. This woman, this exemplar of American’s bargain-basement NASCAR driving, had better situational awareness than a guy who had just been “shooting the gap at triple-digit speeds” in Italy. Tell you what Dutch should have done. He should have pulled over, apologized, and offered her a job doing international road tests. May I remind you all that this woman out-drove Dutch despite simultaneously committing the aggravated vehicular felony of breakfast-sandwich consumption? In a minivan! Put ol’ Roseanne there in a Daytona Prototype and she’d probably work her way up the pack!

What’s really going on here? It’s simple. Dutch got a trip to the Mille. He wanted to write about it. The problem is that stories like “Auto Editor Son Of Former Auto Editor Takes Free Trip Through Italy” tend to be universally despised by the breakfast-sandwich chompers who actually buy the magazines and patronize the advertisers. The only way Dutch was gonna get you on his side was to come up with a common enemy. Sadly, pathetically, unfortunately, his idea of a common enemy is the average American.

Dutch, if you’re reading this, take the biblical advice of removing the cheesesteak from thine own mouth before criticizing the breakfast sandwich in thy neighbor’s. Oh yeah, and read this: Americans don’t suck at driving like you think we do. Yes, our fatality rate is higher than the European countries’. There’s a reason for that. Motoring isn’t the province of rich people or Mille-Miglia jerkoffs here. It’s for everyone. It’s affordable, it’s nearly universal, and it provides Americans with the freedom to wander their country like no other subjects or citizens on Earth. We don’t live in a country where cops wave proles to the side so the wealthy can shoot the gap at triple-digit speeds. We live in a country where the guy working at the breakfast shop owns a car, too. You may not like that. You may not like the poor, fat people who clutter the road and keep the rich fat people from swerving into lanes without consequence. Too bad.

Don’t forget, too, that America leads the world in real, affordable, amateur motorsports. I firmly believe that there are more amateur competition-licensed drivers here than in the rest of the world combined. I’ve never seen you at a club race, but I’ve seen plenty of fat, sweaty guys shovel breakfast sandwiches into their gaping maws and then hop into a Civic or Porsche to lay down laps that would humiliate any “automotive journalist” in the world. We don’t sit around applauding the elegant fluidity of a double-clutch. We just do them because that’s how you get an AIX Mustang into a corner two-tenths of a mile per hour faster than the next guy.

The car culture of the United States is equal to, or superior to, that of any country in the world, and we have the racetracks, the autocross courses, and the vintage festivals to prove it. Sorry, I forgot to include the last sentence of your column:

What a great way for both of us to start off our week.

Well, Chubb Rock, it was better than the way my week started: I had to read your column.

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62 Comments on “Fat Man Makes Fun Of Fat Woman, American Complains About America: It’s Just Another AutoWeek...”


  • avatar
    isellfords

    This article was so funny! And so true!….Dutch might be a very nice man, but I have to say I’ve never never been able to stand him on TV…Or in his magazine. Your lampooning of him was perfect! Right on the money…

    It’s a shame, because his father was a great auto journalist indeed…..I stlll remember his article about being a “Batcake Diesel” when he bought the C&D test car Mercedes 300D…..

    • 0 avatar
      CJinSD

      I know it isn’t right to speak ill of the dead, but his father was absolutely the sort of elitist who would raise Dutch to resent Henry Ford for making cars accessible to the common herd. I read Autoweek throughout the ’90s, and it was definitely a common editorial theme that cars should be toys and privileges of the rich rather than transportation for the proletariat.

      • 0 avatar
        bryanska

        I never thought about it, but maye there IS elitism, and that’s why seemingly every AutoWeek cover has either a BMW, Porsche or Mercedes on it. seriously. Every time MB comes out with another tiny variant of one of their ninety coupes, AutoWeek starts gushing.

  • avatar
    Dr Lemming

    Ahem. Well, yes. Could you please pass the Grey Poupon?

    I’ve wondered if AutoWeek’s elitism partly reflects old-fashioned, corn-fed corporate nepotism. Would Mandel be where he is today if his last name was Wallbanger?

    • 0 avatar
      SVX pearlie

      http://autoweek.com/galleryimage/CW/20090417/CARNEWS/417009997/PH/1/4/PH-417009997.jpg

      It doesn’t look like tubby would be at home in a Roller.

      Broken-down, secondhand F-150, maybe.

  • avatar
    VanillaDude

    It sounds like the woman he is describing isn’t real, but is actually a feminine version of himself. He sees himself as an overweight white trash van driving NASCAR loving Walmart shopping woman eating a decision breakfast while driving.

    The woman isn’t real. He is describing himself while fantasizing that he is wearing a bra.

  • avatar
    Detroit-Iron

    So this fat sack of crap driving a bimmer cut someone off in traffic because he wasn’t paying attention, got offended that the person he cut off flipped him the bird, then wrote an article about it? I think Blake Shelton wrote a song about him.

    • 0 avatar
      Dingleberrypiez

      Lol. Some beach…

    • 0 avatar
      Lumbergh21

      That was kind of my reaction when I read is description of why she flipped him the bird. He cut somebody off in traffic. He is evidently one of those people who zips around in their expensive (and certainly superior, I mean look how much it costs!) European manufactured car completely oblivious to the other traffic on the road or feeling so entitled that they must be first, other drivers be damned!

  • avatar
    DC Bruce

    Sigh. I don’t think he deserved this much effort. The column in question appears to be a case of res ipsa loquitur.

    Are our friends in Europe really safer than we are on a per-passenger mile basis? In Italy, Spain, Portugal? That would kind of surprise me. Based on my very limited experience, drivers seem to observe lane discipline on freeways in Denmark; and observance of speed limits on Spanish freeways is likewise scrupulous. No speed limit + 5 mph as is routine here.

    But, it’s certainly not nice to foodflame or weightflame somebody, especially, when you’re on the heavy side yourself. . . I agree with that.

    I will admit that the widespread American “invention” of cars as rolling eateries strikes me as kind of gross. But, if you’re trying to cover the miles, there’s no good alternative . . . as I realized in my 2 1/2 day DC to LA solo romp some years ago. (I did spend two nights asleep in motels on that trip.)

    • 0 avatar
      AKADriver

      According to this study:
      http://www.internationaltransportforum.org/irtad/pdf/risk.pdf

      The US was at 8.5 deaths per billion km, which falls right in the middle of the spectrum for Europe – beating all of Eastern Europe by a country kilometer and smack dab in the middle of Denmark and Austria. Jack’s assertion is essentially correct, our higher per-capita death rate is primarily due to the larger number of miles we cover and the greater percentage of our population that drives.

      The US driving public could learn some things about lane discipline – our democratic attitude is exactly why the guy going 54 thinks he has “just as much right” to the left lane as the guy going 70. But clearly it’s not making us overall worse drivers. About the only thing the US does significantly, measurably worse than Europe on is motorcycle safety, but that’s a topic for another day.

      • 0 avatar
        DC Bruce

        Thanks for the link on the numbers. You might notice that they include per km figures as well, so Jack’s argument doesn’t wash. Interestingly, the per/km standings and the per capita standings don’t, first glance, seem to be all that different.

        Also interesting — and potentially more significant — is that our “motorway” per/km fatality rate is significantly higher than many others. Perhaps that figure does support the “competence” argument that Jack lampoons, especially since motorway speeds in some — but not all — European countries are significantly higher than here. One potentially important variable not counted in the motorway figures is the percentage of U.S. motorways that are commuter routes and are very congested, which I assume makes them more dangerous.

  • avatar
    jmatthewhelm

    FANTASTIC!!! this is good stuff! You’re spot on assessment of how this went down is great!

    The other very interesting thing is that it’s not live on their site…that as a huge problem for most all of the traditional print media.

    Ezra Dyer had a nice little story about finding Old GM on a barstool in Automobile Magazine recently; it was live for an entire day with only 1 Facebook Like and 12 hours after I commented first on it, it is still awaiting approval.

    It’s a shame the Old Auto Media still aren’t getting it as they are still entertaining most of the time.

    thanks for keeping it real!

  • avatar
    Flipper35

    OK, now I have to call my wife to bring me some clean undies because no, the paragraph didn’t make me uncomfortable because of what you said, it made me unconfortable because I peed a little laughing because of what you said.

  • avatar
    evan

    Awesome. Simply awesome.

    Best article I’ve yet to read on this site. Anytime you guys want to deconstruct an Autoweek, C&D, or R&T article I will read it. And yeah, posting a link to a picture of the writer in question does a great job underlining the ridiculousness of his outrage.

    Actually, the analysis of his gripe – wait, what actually happened, and why did you get the bird? – is the best part.

    No, the casual reference to all of the potential stories at Autoweek’s fingertips – and they decide to write abut this? – is the best part.

    Anyway, I managed to get a free Autoweek subcription for a year and more or less trashcanned each issue after a brief page thru… the most useless content was the ‘updates’ on the longterm test cars. The stupidiest thing I ever read was an update on a Jaguar in which the entire ‘graph was written in fake-British-esse about hoping in the car for a drive down to the pub for a pint of bitter, etc.

    The whole magazine feels like its written for people who don’t know much of anything.

  • avatar
    aristurtle

    “What’s really going on here? It’s simple. Dutch got a trip to the Mille. He wanted to write about it. The problem is that stories like “Auto Editor Son Of Former Auto Editor Takes Free Trip Through Italy” tend to be universally despised by the breakfast-sandwich chompers who actually buy the magazines and patronize the advertisers.”

    Hey, don’t worry. Based on sales figures for print magazines, this problem is correcting itself!

  • avatar
    FleetofWheel

    In large US cities and surrounding suburbs, there’s a good number of Europeans and other folks who came from South America, Asia, etc.

    These people are driving around, possibly eating and are part of the US motoring scene by their very presence.

  • avatar
    MikeAR

    Perfect article Jack, there’s no more to be said.

  • avatar
    cannyfriar

    Well, there is certainly a higher probability of our AutoWeek model writer encountering an overweight lady in the USA than in Italy,

    http://www.oecd.org/document/60/0,3746,en_2649_33929_46038716_1_1_1_1,00.html

    But to use this to pad out an article nominally on the relative driving skills and cultures of Italy and America is cheap.

    I have, by the way, also driven in Italy. Their motorways are remarkably calm places to be; their cities are just bonkers, both to drive and to park – but then, the Medicis and their ilk weren’t particularly hot on urban traffic flow design

    • 0 avatar
      pharmer

      I’ll second this one. I worked in Italy for about 10 weeks a few years ago. The traffic in the cities was just amazing…I’ve never had more insulting words or gestures hurled at me in my life, and I was riding around in a chauffeured Alfa. The thing that really amazed me was that the sidewalks were treated as legitimate passing areas by motorcycle and scooter riders.

      I can also second that the women were, in general, thinner and more attractive, at least in the big cities. But that’s a story for another time…

  • avatar
    Jeff Waingrow

    Jack, you’re right on the mark. This condescension is poison and a sure sign of a lack of character in those who practice it. After all, most of us can stand some improving. While there is much that is coarse and vulgar in our culture, people are still people, and they all merit respect and decent treatment no matter the size of their waist or bank account.

  • avatar
    Morea

    Glad to see TTAC has got some of its snark back. Baruth is the new Farago.

    In particular, this one is a keeper:

    I’ve seen plenty of fat, sweaty guys shovel breakfast sandwiches into their gaping maws and then hop into a Civic or Porsche to lay down laps that would humiliate any “automotive journalist” in the world.

    Lap times don’t lie.

  • avatar
    gessvt

    Brilliant writing. Leon Mandel would distance himself from AW were he alive today. It’s a shame that Dutch has reduced this formerly entertaining and informative magazine into the PC, snobbish, amateurish piece of crap that it is today.

    Now where’s my latest issue of Grassroots Motorsports…

    • 0 avatar
      VespaFitz

      Leon Mandel was a douche, too.

      I know this firsthand. Allow me to reminisce:

      The year was 1997. I was working for a successful little company called Automotive Information Center. We were the publisher of a website called AutoSite.com, which was the first consumer website to list invoice price for free. (Parenthetically, we beat everybody, including KBB and Edmunds to the punch.)

      In an effort to provide some editorial content along with the invoice pricing information and package detail, we wanted to use short excerpts from magazine articles, and in consideration, provide links to the subscription information on the publication’s website.

      So I pitched the idea to several magazine publishers. I called each publisher. Not one answered the phone. The only call back I got was from Leon Mandel.

      I’ve been in the workforce now for 25 years or so. I’ve never received a voicemail full of more vitriol and venom than that call from that prick. He screamed into the phone for a good two minutes.

      At one point, he posed the question, “How dare you?!”

      How dare I what, you crusty fossil? Try to funnel 1.5 million unique users a month to your subscription department?

      This is how the internet works, old man.

      Clearly, the son is unable to regulate his emotions, too.

  • avatar
    Philosophil

    I haven’t laughed that much while reading in a long while. There’s nothing like a good dose of smug superiority to get one going during lunch (we’re so much better than that Mandel guy on that other automobile site — self-reflexivity to the max!).

    Great stuff, Jack.

  • avatar
    FreedMike

    LOL…that’s all I have to say.

    And this about the photograph: am I the only one who wants to gag every time I see one of those stick-figure cutouts on the back of a car? I even see ones around here for the pets, which leads to an uncomfortable truth: someday, Fido’s gonna die, and then what – he gets scraped off the back of the minivan? Not cool.

    • 0 avatar
      evan

      It might interest you to know, that I actually was able to use those stupid stick-figure cutouts to help identify a truck than ran red light. An SUV blew through a red (nearly rear-ended me), a cop just happened to be near by, and I later found out that my “It has one of those little stick-figure stckers on the back” was the only thing that allowed the cop to catch the driver… Funny, yes?

  • avatar
    philadlj

    I’ll bet Dutch Mandel and Steve Poizner would get along like two BFFs.

    http://www.thisamericanlife.org/sites/default/files/This_American_Life_Transcript_Poizner_0.pdf

  • avatar
    hakata

    That last level of Marble Madness was tough on the NES with no trackball. Unless you had a boatload of time in hand, you had to shoot your gaps at triple digit speeds and get your double-D-pad declutching perfect.

  • avatar
    Sinistermisterman

    Good article Jack, and from someone who has driven in Europe, North America and North Africa, I can tell you with 100% conviction where the worst driving *isn’t* – North America, in fact it’s not even North Africa – for me it was Italy. Rude, obnoxious drivers with no regard for the rules of the road or any other road users for that matter. Take a trip to any Italian city and have a look at the dents and scrapes that adorn most cars parked along the streets there. Good drivers? Hell no. If Mr Mandel loves it so much he should friggin’ move there.
    Incidentally Jack, I think the country in the world with the most amount of grassroot motorsports per head of population has to be England. Every town and city has a motor club, and as far as I can remember you’re never further than than 25 miles from a track of some description.

  • avatar
    Acd

    Damn it Jack, I just renewed my subscription to AutoEveryOtherWeek and if you had written this last week I could have saved twenty bucks.

  • avatar
    Russycle

    Purple prose aside–first he’s diving to his left, the next sentence he’s easing over–I gotta cut Dutch some slack here. According to Baruth’s analysis, the chubby swagger-wagon pilot noticed the garbage truck blocking his lane and deliberately tried to keep him from getting around it. That’s not only a dickish move, it’s dangerous. I realize that’s standard operating procedure in a large part of our country, but it still sucks.

    • 0 avatar
      Jack Baruth

      Just to play devil’s advocate here: if somebody is paying so little attention to the road, or looking so hard at their own front bumper, that they don’t notice road hazards ahead, I WANT them stuck miles behind me, not right in front where I have to do their accident planning for them.

      The “dive/ease” thing annoyed me but at some point I had to stop breaking this particular butterfly on a wheel, to misquote Pope.

      • 0 avatar
        Russycle

        Point taken. I prefer to have the idiots in front of me where I can keep an eye on them. With my luck Dutch would end up right behind me, riding my damn bumper for 10 miles.

    • 0 avatar
      mcs

      Mandel could have eased off the throttle, let her pass, then tucked in behind her.

  • avatar
    jjster6

    Did I (a fat guy) just read an article written by a fat guy, whining about a fatter guy, whining about a fat woman. Why did I do that. Can I get the last 5 minutes back please.

  • avatar
    mnm4ever

    I read Autoweek, its free and perfect for passing time doing number 2. Now I read every article and just imagine what Jack would say about them… lets make this a regular feature!

  • avatar
    Conslaw

    Is Autoweek still bi? I mean, bi-weekly? I stopped reading Autoweek when it went to every two weeks. I couldn’t hold it in that long and had to find something to take AW’s place.

  • avatar
    tallnikita

    ah, the good ol’art of bitchsmaking, lovely.

  • avatar
    M 1

    Epic.

  • avatar
    987Girl

    Thanks for calling out this sexist douchebag, Baruth!

  • avatar
    Motornik

    “His waist is so big, his press cars have to be followed by a second press car with a “Wide Load” sign on it” left me hysterical, what a visual!
    btw, is it me or “triple digit speeds” start at 62.5 mph if you’re in Tuscany? That’s how fast 80-year old grandmothers drive around here. lol

  • avatar

    Maybe it’s just envy but I can name at least a couple of second generation editors or publishers who walk around the big auto shows like pashas.

    It’s nobody’s fault if they happen to be a member of the lucky sperm club. As a friend of mine once said, life isn’t about getting dealt a good hand, but rather playing the hand you’re dealt well. The thing is that those hereditary pashas kinda act entitled.
    On the other hand, perks and privileges aside, guys like Mandell and his boss Keith Crain have grown up around the auto biz and know it pretty well. The fact that they are consummate insiders, members of the automotive elite in Detroit, doesn’t take away from the fact that they do have some knowledge about cars and the people and companies that make them.

    Perhaps that’s why some of their actions grate on guys like Baruth and other writers here at TTAC. They’re in a position where their opinion carries some weight but as insiders they’re not about to rock the boat too much. I don’t know that I’d be any less self-serving in their shoes, but I hope that I’d be a little more acknowledging of my good fortune.

    • 0 avatar
      Toad

      Maybe if Dutch Mandel and his ilk behaved less like insiders and more like journalists their magazines would not be giving away free subscriptions to maintain some kind of circulation numbers. Look what insiders have done for GM, our financial system, or the US Government.

      Writers and publishers need to serve their audience just like any other business, and producing non-offensive fluff will not cut it in any media other than sports and entertainment.

      Kudos to Baruth for treating Mandel like a pinata.

  • avatar
    StevenJJ

    I’d never heard of that chap before but I enjoyed the article….

    …up to the point where you did your own USA/Europe ‘us and them’. Cheers.

    • 0 avatar
      Jack Baruth

      My intent was to point out that the United States is not some automotive-culture backwater. Any implication beyond that was a failure of execution on my part.

  • avatar
    gslippy

    Jack, you should republish this on July 4. Makes me want to wave the flag a little!

  • avatar
    anchke

    >>>I saw ahead of me a garbage truck stopped with its flashers on, so I dove to my left in behind another car. As I made this move, I checked my mirrors to see her race to close a three-car gap. I eased into “her” space. She did not like this.<<>>woman in the minivan SAW THE GARBAGE TRUCK IN HIS LANE BEFORE HE DID AND CLOSED THE GAP!<<<

    Okay, everyone put down your tasty breakfast sammich, cell phone and charming egalitarian notions for a moment. Who hasn't some time in the past week needed to move over a lane due to a blockage up ahead? Remembering that driving in such situations is a cooperative activity, you check your mirrors and signal your intent to merge with your turn signal and position of your car. It isn't uncommon for the driver of the vihicle in the to-be-merged lane to slip into a competitive frame of mind and attempt to claim sole ownership of a lane by speeding up. And I must say, the person committing this uncooperative bit of adolescent buffoonery freguently (often? almost always?)has opened the gap in the first place because he/she has been on the phone, dicking around with the nav, eating a donut, picking his nose etcetc. Fat, eating fast food and driving a minivan has nothing to do with it. Parentage has even less to do with it. One driver is distracted, childish and afflicted by a passive aggressive streak. The other is simply attempting to get around an ostacle on the commonly owned travel portion of the roadway without requiring any extraordinary concessions from his neighbors.

  • avatar

    Very funny post.

    I’m sure fatboy couldn’t tell you his daily calorie allowance if his life depended on it; -nor could most Americans, btw.
    (and by, ‘fatboy’, I mean his BMI is Montana)

    The guy was probably just hot for the milf in the swagger-wagon. God knows the women in Italy would have told him to: “Va Fa Napoli!”.

    .
    +Actually, depending on what you use, breakfast sandwiches can be quite low-carb, high-protein, medium-fat and pretty healthy.

    –Use Applegate Farms’ meats, though. (no, I don’t work for/with them /affiliated in any way.)

    .
    You know, there are a fair few slinky chicks in France.

    However, there is this weird genetic mutation/inbreeding among a small segment of the population where a certain % are abit man-faced.

  • avatar
    Kevin Kluttz

    You’ve outdone yourself. Very witty.

  • avatar
    MattPete

    Alecheetos?

  • avatar
    Fromes

    One of the most important lesson’s I have learned in my life up to this point is that often the first thing an ignorant person doesn’t like about someone else is the thing they hate most about themselves. Dutch’s article is a perfect example of this.

  • avatar
    Piste

    I guess I’m the only person that could care less about Dutch judging some lady or the author judging him. What is the difference? I see none.

  • avatar
    sushytom

    This piece would have been a lot funnier if it was about a third as long. If you’re going to stick a knife in someone, do it once or twice with careful aim.

  • avatar
    Ion

    Autoweek needs more Natalie Neff. I haven’t read a piece from her in awhile so I assume either she moved on to better less pretentious places or she got the ax for coming of as too middle classish for autoweek.

  • avatar
    ciddyguy

    Ugh, I just read an article that was linked to in the forum section of Fiat500USA blog earlier this evening that came from Autoweek.

    Several of the editors and such test drove a 5spd manual Fiat 500 and they all bemoaned how too little power the car has etc.

    One guy had the audacity to try and dismiss the car by saying outright that he expected to get little driving in over a weekend, but instead drove the car.

    It was disappointing to say the least and like I said, they don’t get it and one, Andrew Stoy felt the car to be a chick car. He has some serious man issues I think, ie, lack of self confidence in his manhood to have to call the car a chick car when many MEN have bought the little thing.

    I’m going to buy one eventually.

    That said, if this is how they react to cars like this, they ARE elitist and one guy had the chutzpah to say the Fiat is better paired with the Smart FouTwo as a comparison. No.

  • avatar
    Matthew

    This reminds me of a story I saw in Motor Trend last year or a couple years ago (I stopped reading the magazines on a regular basis a while ago) where they pitted the new 5.0 Mustang against the BMW M3. The Mustang posted better numbers pretty much across the board at a far more attractive price than the BMW (the race car driver gave the W to the Mustang, too) but for some reason that mystified pretty much everyone they gave the comparo win to the BMW. Did you write about that article too, Jack? I guess the Mustang is just too American to win. We just can’t do things as well as our noble ancestors back in the Old Countries.

    • 0 avatar
      rpn453

      This reminds me of the letters to magazines, such as Motor Trend and Car and Driver, where people complain that the car with the fastest numbers on the track didn’t win in a comparison. It’s as though they believe that is the only factor when determining the better car.

  • avatar
    Educator(of teachers)Dan

    This article drove home what I realized visiting my folks for the past two weeks and reading my father’s Hot Rod and Car Craft magazines. I’d rather read about guys swapping LS-X engines into mid 70s Novas and turning former Police Interceptors into project cars than read my Car and Driver.


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