Finally, The Crew At Cars.com Finds A Test They're Qualified To Perform

by Jack Baruth

Published: May 25th, 2011

finally the crew at cars com finds a test they re qualified to perform

Those of you who are not ~~stupid~~ well-connected enough to have a bunch of autojournos in your Twitter and Facebook friend lists are missing out on all the, er, coverage coming from the “Midwestern NAMBLA pump n’ dump for morbidly obese auto journalists” track event going on today. Let me give you the precis. It turns out all these cars are ZOMG AEWSUM and track records are falling left and right as America’s finest drivers deliver Vic Elfordian levels of all-weather punishment upon them. No word on whether the Midwestern journo who cracked up a MINI at Autobahn and followed it up by driving off the first corner at MAMA’s event a few years back has caused his usual mayhem.

Expect this event to provide many tales of “pushing it to the limit” in the soul-crushing months to come. In the meantime, however, we’ve found an activity which is well-suited to the banzai buffet beasts out there: manned crash testing.

To their credit, the nice people at Cars.com aren’t trying to hide the fact that they wrecked their Volt. And it is their Volt; the blog has put its money where its mouth is and stumped up its own cash to buy the vehicle instead of asking for a long-term freeloader, I mean, tester.

Still, it would be nice to know how the crash happened. Whenever your humble author blows a motor, crashes on the first lap, puts a rod through the block, or is slapped with a six-thousand-dollar fine for helping another driver catch a ride on the LifeFlight, I try to provide a brief account of the incident, even if said account is self-serving in the vicious extreme. I guess I did forget to mention the time I bought a $15,800 Mugen Grand-Am engine in practice. Have to get around to that some time, if anybody wants to hear about it.

For the record, this relatively minor-looking mishap cost Cars.com over ten grand in damage for the front end, plus repairs to the rear bumper caused by a cop pushing the car off the road. That typically happens on Chicago freeways, leading to speculation that this was a case of the distracted rear-ender. If somebody is willing to tell us, we will tell you. In the meantime, cross your fingers for the hapless journosaurs out on track today. They are literally hours away from free alcohol!

Jack Baruth

More by Jack Baruth

Comments

Join the conversation

2 of 18 comments

Pete Zaitcev on May 25, 2011

"Mugen Grand-Am" is relevant to my interests.

Like Reply
30-mile fetch on May 25, 2011

Love the title of this post. Aside from perhaps Joe Weisenfelder, Cars.com produces some of the most useless and banal car reviews I have ever read outside of the weekly auto section in the local newspaper. I am astonished these people receive a paycheck for what they do.

Like Reply

Recent Comments

Fred I would get the Acura RDX, to replace my Honda HR-V. Both it and the CRV seats are uncomfortable on longer trips.
RHD Now that the negative Nellies have chimed in...A reasonably priced electric car would be a huge hit. There has to be an easy way to plug it in at home, in addition to the obvious relatively trickle charge via an extension cord. Price it under 30K, preferably under 25K, with a 200 mile range and you have a hit on your hands. This would be perfect for a teenager going to high school or a medium-range commuter. Imagine something like a Kia Soul, Ford Ranger, Honda CR-V, Chevy Malibu or even a Civic that costs a small fraction to fuel up compared to gasoline. Imagine not having to pay your wife's Chevron card bill every month (then try to get her off of Starbuck's and mani-pedi habits). One car is not the solution to every case imaginable. But would it be a market success? Abso-friggin-lutely. And TTAC missed today's announcement of the new Mini Aceman, which, unfortunately, will be sold only in China. It's an EV, so it's relevant to this particular article/question.
Ajla It would. Although if future EVs prove relatively indifferent to prior owner habits that makes me more likely to go used.
28-Cars-Later One of the biggest reasons not to purchase an EV that I hear is...that they just all around suck for almost every use case imaginable.
Theflyersfan A cheaper EV is likely to have a smaller battery (think Mazda MX-30 and Mitsubishi iMEV), so that makes it less useful for some buyers. Personally, my charging can only take place at work or at a four-charger station at the end of my street in a public lot, so that's a crapshoot. If a cheaper EV was able to capture what it seems like a lot of buyers want - sub-40K, 300+ mile range, up to 80% charging in 20-30 minutes (tops) - then they can possibly be added to some lists. But then the issues of depreciation and resale value come into play if someone wants to keep the car for a while. But since this question is asking person by person, if I had room for a second car to be garaged (off of the street), I would consider an EV for a second car and keep my current one as a weekend toy. But I can't do a 50K+ EV as a primary car with my uncertain charging infrastructure by me, road trips, and as a second car, the higher insurance rates and county taxes. Not yet at least. A plug in hybrid however is perfect.