Call Me "Mr China"

One of Jack Baruth’s many great contributions to modern auto writing is “Mr Euro,” an archetype he first identified in his excellent Ford Fiesta review. According to Jack’s original taxonomy:

Mr. Euro is the guy who, for some reason, wants the cars he cannot have in the United States. He’s the guy who says he would drive a 520i “in a heartbeat” given the chance, the dude who thinks we’re missing out because the Renault Twingo stays on the froggy side of the pond, the fellow who desperately wants a Vauxhall Zafira for child-lugging purposes.

Now, I hope I manage to avoid the most extreme expressions of the stereotype Jack describes here, but yeah, I’ve got some “Mr Euro”-ish tendencies. What can I say, the grass just looks greener on the other side… sue me. In that spirit, follow along as I explain why I’m leaving this dump and moving to China.

While America finally catches up with us Europhiles who spent the last (fill in the blank) decade(s) lusting over efficient little compact hatches, it seems the game is being changed… in China. You see, Americans, the world’s leading proponents of awesome, are buying ever more compact cars but not because they offer the best mix of fun, utility and efficiency. Instead, we’re buying them because gas prices are high and we’re sick of filling out a credit application every time we tank up the Tahoe. Meanwhile, in China, consumers have been buying weedy little compact cars in increasing numbers for years, and now they’re being rewarded… *cue Clarkson voice* With more power.

Case in point: the Nissan Versa. While we Americans are getting the faintly miserable-looking, 109 HP Sunny sedan “recession special,” Chinese buyers can choose either the Sunny or, starting in May, a proper hatchback Versa (only they call it a Tiida). And that’s not just a “proper hatchback.” It’s a Versa hatch with a 190 HP version of the delightfully fizzy direct-injection turbocharged 1.6 liter engine found in the Nissan Juke (just like we asked for). That’s right, for under $14,000 (at current exchange rates, usual disclaimers apply), the Chinese can buy a sleek Nissan hatch with very nearly the same power (if not the dual-clutch transmission and legendary handling) of a VW GTI. Kind of makes you wonder who the world’s lone superpower is, doesn’t it? But wait, there’s more.

Nissan’s not alone. Sure, the new Beijing-Hyundai Elantra may be a po-faced old thing compared to the new hotness of the latest US-market Elantra, but according to Car News China, this milder update to the old Elantra is about to get a hot new engine to match the Versa’s: a 1.6 liter turbo making 200 HP and 200 ft-lbs. Imagine that engine in America’s spicy new bodystyle, and you’ve got yourself a feisty little way to get through the lingering economic uncertainty. On the other hand, with Hyundai USA banging the 40 MPG, “who’s afraid of the big, bad CAFE?” drum, don’t expect this enthusiast no-brainer to happen anytime soon. After all, Americans don’t choose small cars… we take them grudgingly, when we can’t afford to do otherwise. In fact, you might even argue that we’re lucky to be getting as solid a crop of compacts as we are. But so help me, if China gets that 1.6T engine in a turbocharged Veloster and we don’t, I’m moving and I’m never coming back. Seriously.