Yesterday, we ran a story about Art Ross. Ross was the Oldsmobile Chief Designer in the post WW II heydays. He was also a prolific and gifted pornographer. Cars and sex have always been related for some reason. Did you know that in Germany, where the car was invented, “Verkehr” can mean both “traffic” and “intercourse?” I render the guess that there are more people that begun their life by the dashboard light than those who passed away in the passing lane. Many are convinced that autos have aphrodisiac qualities. Many heavily object and say that a car is just a conveyance. Then there are some who think cars are just as vile as porn, and both should be banned. Where does the dear TTAC reader stand in this discussion?
I’ve lived and worked through this antagonism all my professional life. Even at automakers, there are those who think the best car ad is a Soviet style list of specs, accompanied maybe by a cut-away picture. (A good cut-away demands a higher budget than a porn flic shot in Hungary, but I digress. It’s easy …) Others think one should dispense with the car altogether (they all look alike) and show lifestyle scenes instead. What does the TTAC reader think? Let’s take a clinical approach and look at raw numbers only, delivered by the soulless TTAC host computer.
The Art Ross story clearly was yesterday’s most read story. It narrowly beat out Michael Karesh’s review of the Hyundai Sonata Turbo. It was a photo finish, both stories were less than 100 clicks apart. Naked women have a greater attraction on the common TTAC reader than a Hyundai – but just barely.
Now add to that the fact that the Hyundai story was already a day old. On the day it ran first, it had handily beat out … nope, the winner on Friday was “What New Car Is The Best Value For Money?“ That one had attracted twice the numbers of eyeballs than the blown Hyundai.
However, the next day, and with a starting position slightly better than sex, the Hyundai story spooled up fast, raced out of the gate and remained the leader of the pack for most of the day – until sex came from behind and won by a hair.
What does that tell us? The common TTAC reader is interested in sex only slightly more than in a Sonata that had a blowjob. Both topics are valued higher than money: On Saturday, the raunchy Ross report and the Hyundai review received 50 percent more attention than the value for money story that had won the previous day.
Now for the juicy part. Sonatas aside, what genres REALLY pique the TTAC reader’s discerning interest?
The traditional art of Art Ross, including portraits, surrealistic paintings, and a treasure trove of some of the finest car designs of the last century were offered-up for further viewing at The Art Of Art Ross.
A collection of vile and repugnant porn, devised by a deviated degenerate, a lot while he was supposed to support the war effort by designing camouflage netting that kept our fighting men from being bombed by the enemy, was – for strictly scientific reasons – referenced under Erotica By Art Ross. It came with ample warnings. The nauseating nature of the material was clearly flagged.
Now guess what received more clicks.
One more time, you guessed it right. Erotica By Art Ross did beat The Art Of Art Ross more than six to one. Drawing conclusions is left to the reader. All I can say is that warning labels do not impress our readers. They appear to be, as the saying goes, “sure in their sexuality.”
This is where the story would end, would there not have been a late entry. After a death-defying race to Toronto (and after declining my suggestion – made in jest – to type on his iPhone while driving) Jack Baruth wrote the story of a cookie monster that escaped a smashed 1984 vintage Audi GT (I remember them well) unharmed. Said story was posted at 6 in the evening. With sex and Sonata having an 18 hour lead, the story had impossible odds. Old racer’s adage: Better to enter a race late than never. The others could break. Jack’s accident report raced up the charts. By the end of the day, it made a podium finish, coming in third, after sex and Sonata.
In today’s very early morning, Baruth leads, with the Sonata two laps behind, closely followed by Paul Niedermeyer’s story about a futuristic RV from 1959. Pornography is back in the field.
Four possible conclusions (multiple choices ok):
- The B&B value their lives more than sex or money.
- If it (barely) bleeds, it leads.
- Jack Baruth is one reckless heck of a writer.
- Sonatas will rule the world.
Over to you.
(PS: As this story goes to press – so to speak – word reaches us (finally) that “hyper-texting” leads to sex, drinking or drugs. Scientific fact. Was LaHood right after all? Should Jack Baruth have written the story as a prelude while driving, instead of wasting a precious hour on a laptop in a motel? Will we ever know?)