Hammer Time: Take This Car And Shove It!

Steven Lang
by Steven Lang

I went to a public sale this past Thursday. Dozens of vehicles were sold for four figure premiums, but unfortunately virtually all of them were complete and utter trash. A repo’d 2008 Dodge Avenger SXT was riddled with 89,000 torturous miles of abuse and neglect. It shaked, rattled, and barely rolled through the block. Thanks to an owner who considered the numerous warning lights to be mere suggestions.. But it still went for $8800. How? Why? We’re talking clean book value for a rough car in every sense of the word.

Then I reminded myself. A lot of folks still buy with their eyes. That car may have more internal problems than Andy Dick. But that doesn’t mean that it can’t go down the road given the right wax and detail. As an FJ Cruiser, Ram, and Police Interceptor soon found their financial shangri-la, I started to think about my own debacles. Which model had been the true bane of my existence?

I would have say that the 1993 – 1997 Isuzu Rodeo was certainly a chart topper. Those things just seemed to eat tires, parts, electrics, and labor hours in a way that would make a Daewoo proud. Some people have luck with them. Me? I get to throw a thousand bucks in the kitty and sit and watch as all the planned obsolescence of it’s parts go straight to my bank account. But that’s just the luck of the draw. What model for you has been the equivalent of a financial black hole?

Steven Lang
Steven Lang

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  • Edgett Edgett on Aug 25, 2010

    I suppose I'm dating myself, but I bought a '64 MGB when it was four years and about 18,000 miles old. At 21,000 miles the pressure plate collapsed and before it had 30,000 miles the mainshaft bearing in the transmission was making expensive noises. I loved the car, but resolved to invest in greater reliability after that and passed the dying transmission to a new owner. After a miraculously reliable Chevy-engined '54 Healey and a decent '64 Mercury Comet, I bought my first new car, a bulletproof '72 Datsun 610 wagon we used as a truck to carry hang gliders up rutted jeep tracks to a launch zone. A '74 RX-4 followed (totalled by a Volvo), 1980 Mazda GLC and a marvelous '82 Supra all convinced me it was worth buying new cars and spending money on depreciation to avoid spending time on rentals.

  • M 1 M 1 on Aug 27, 2010

    2003 Mercedes Benz E500 Worst car I ever loved. Comfortable as hell. Great to drive. Broken almost continuously. Ironically the main components rarely failed -- it was almost always the sensors that were supposed to monitor those components which failed by the handful. I sold it the day it went out of warranty, right after Brumos replaced the transmission at only 45,000 miles. Pathetic.

  • Nrd515 Nrd515 on Aug 28, 2010

    I've only had one really horrible vehicle. My '77 Macho Dodge Power Wagon. 360 2 bbl automatic full time 4WD. Bright yellow and black outside, black everything inside. Most comfortable seats on any vehicle EVER. I could, and did, sit in it for 12-16 hours at a crack, and I could walk normally when I got out. I sat in a '78 recently, and they felt as good now as they did then. The problems started almost from day one. First issue was a stuck transfer case lever. I had it in low to go up a hill nearby to see if I could see my escape artist dog off in the desert. I found the dog, but couldn't get the case to come out of low, so it was a long, high revving trip to the dealer the next morning. They fixed it, and a bad leak from the front differential that seemed to appear overnight. Ate an alternator (bearing) about 3 months along, and I had to have it towed to a dealer in LA when it died on I15. There were constant minor issues until, on another LA trip, the engine died at 75 MPH on I15, and I had one of the scariest times of my life fixing it during rush hour while cars flew by me at about 80. I was very happy when traffic slowed to a crawl. The problem was water had seeped into the main electrical connector on the firewall, and the connector had corroded very badly. I polished it up, but the engine would cut off randomly every so often, and you had to hold the key in the start position to get the engine to run. Doing this killed the coil pretty quickly, but it did let me drive it to Pep Boys, where I bought some wire and stuff, and in the parking lot, I spent about 2 hours bypassing the corroded connector, solving the engine cutting off problem. The first time it caught on fire, I should have let it go. Why I didn't, I don't know. When it did it the second time, I almost let it go, but after a moment's hesitation, I cut the positive cable, and it went out. Afterwards, I thought about it, and called myself a moron for not letting it burn up. Over the 4 years I had it, it broke an axle (Bad heat treat at factory), a trans, the transfer case chain broke, a water pump, many intake manifold gaskets, a set of head gaskets, a power steering pump, a master cylinder, several alternators and regulators, an amazing number of windshield washer bottles, and the thing leaked from everywhere it could leak from. Just after it's fourth birthday, I had enough and bought a 79 Trans Am to replace it. It wasn't perfect, but it only had minor issues, and was a dream compared to the Power Wagon. Crazy thing is, I've seen one for sale, a 78, in fantastic shape, and if I had the cash, I would be driving it now.

  • Nick Nick on Sep 17, 2010

    1990 Mercedes Benz 220. I can't do it justice here. I once recorded it's repair history in a spreadsheet, there so many entries. Couple that with a the dealership that wouldn't know the truth if it bit them in the butt, and a corporation that is utterly devoid of integrity. This is going to sound awfully harsh, but you'd have to be a fool to buy a car from Mercedes.

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