Hammer Time: Old Volvos Never Die. Except When They Do.

Steven Lang
by Steven Lang

The bastards! I could deal with destroying the Cherokees, the Lincolns, even a Dynasty with a trombone case red interior. But a brick? These sick twisted bastards are going to take that one holy grail of tightwad functionality and turn it into a steaming pile of drek. Apparently the old Nordic God of automotive longevity is now on Washington’s ‘whacked’ list which means that defensive measures need to be taken. Stat!

I need to get an army. But, hell, I’m too cheap for that. Instead I’m going to shine a bright Volvo spotlight to the sky, à la Batman style, and summon the Volvo faithful. You know them. Those zombies who wonder aimlessly around the junkyards muttering about wiring harnesses and ABS modules. Fifty to sixty year old guys who still use watches and speak longingly about an ancient historical artifact once known as ‘The Constitution’. Rugged individualists who believe that the era of good music ended with The Allman Brothers. Real American heroes!!! Who are now left in the dust of an era where deficits don’t matter and the future is sub-leased to the present.

On second thought, maybe there’s something better out there. Hmmm. Anyone know where I can find a RWD European wagon with all the trimmings that is designed to withstand 17 Scandinavaian winters? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? PT Cruiser? Oh brother, never thought I’d see the day. Welcome to the brave new world.

Steven Lang
Steven Lang

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  • LordVolvo LordVolvo on Aug 03, 2009
    the Volvo faithful Yep. You know them. Those zombies who wonder aimlessly around the junkyards muttering about wiring harnesses and ABS modules. Nope. I mutter to my computer while buying parts on eBay. Fifty to sixty year old guys I'm 41. Been a Volvo Faithful since the age of 14. who still use watches Nope. Dumped my watch for a cell phone. and speak longingly about an ancient historical artifact once known as ‘The Constitution’. Yep. Someone has to remember the Constitution since Bush / Cheney didn't. Rugged individualists Damn-right. who believe that the era of good music ended with The Allman Brothers. No. The end of the 80s was the end of good music. Real American Heroes!!! See answer for Rugged individualists. Just because you see someone like me driving a 25 year-old car, don't assume that I never contribute to the economy. It's folks like me who keep indy mechanics and auto-parts stores in business. Why should I waste my money buying or leasing cars every couple of years when I could preserve resources and keep cars out of landfills and use that leftover money for fun stuff? About my car - 1984 Volvo 240 with 292,000 miles on the original engine, tranny, and starter. I never changed my own oil until five years ago; now I do minor repairs on my own because the car is so easy to work on. Burns no oil. Gets mid-20s MPG in the city; low 30s on the highway. Older Volvos may not be as trouble-free as a young Asian car, but I guarantee that the longevity of the RWD redblock engine will outlast most any other car, including Asian makes.
  • Jordan Tenenbaum Jordan Tenenbaum on Aug 03, 2009

    rpol35 : I can’t deal with purposefully ruining any good piece of machinery (even a Volvo!)especially to support what is really a socialist cram-down. It’s just wrong! No no comrade, socialism would take all these "clunkers" and give them to people who need a ride and don't have money. This here however, is capitalism at it's best, ostensibly veiled as a "green" program, when in fact it's main intention is to pump life into the economy. `89 245 owner here. 272K on the original engine and automatic transmission, thank you very much. As has been resonating in the comments, old Volvos are cheap to maintain. I've put maybe $1000 into it over the last 20,000 miles, and that includes registration and oil changes.

  • Handplane Handplane on Aug 03, 2009

    volvo, not quite right. The B234-equipped 740s, with auto trans, have a combined rating of 18. Two years ago I began assembling a family fleet of used cars so we all had a way to get to work. After much calculation and deliberation, last week I sent our 90 Volvo 740 GLE 16V in for lethal injection, and came home with an 09 Honda Fit. Negotiated a little under Edmunds TMV, then got $4500 of gubmint cheese. The old brick, with just under 200k showing on the odo-and we know about Volvo odometer gears-required frequent wrenching by me, and by my local indie for tougher stuff. Nearly all our driving is city stop-sign-to-stoplight. The 740 got 13 mpg in the depths of the Michigan winter, and 19 mpg during summer. I for one fully expect oil prices to climb much higher in the next few years. I guess I was dwford's archetypal customer. This purchase made sense and we can easily afford it. Sure, I miss our Bluesmobile. That car had character, even if a bunch of things on it didn't work. At least we still have our 94 Volvo 850.

  • IDANECK IDANECK on Aug 03, 2009

    I'll be glad when my 84 760T finally dies. Yes, it's been a good car and very reliable as it only has 212k miles on it. It averages about 21MPG city with premium and goes through a qt of oil every 500 miles or so. It is a redblock and it is a turbo (source of the oil leak), and transmission shifts a bit hard and the temp has been holding at just above half with these 100+ temp days. But, the electronic issues are small and bothersome, but honestly not worth the waste of time anymore. I finally got all the taillights working! I'll drive it until an oil pump, head gasket, or turbo gives out.

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