The bastards! I could deal with destroying the Cherokees, the Lincolns, even a Dynasty with a trombone case red interior. But a brick? These sick twisted bastards are going to take that one holy grail of tightwad functionality and turn it into a steaming pile of drek. Apparently the old Nordic God of automotive longevity is now on Washington’s ‘whacked’ list which means that defensive measures need to be taken. Stat!
I need to get an army. But, hell, I’m too cheap for that. Instead I’m going to shine a bright Volvo spotlight to the sky, à la Batman style, and summon the Volvo faithful. You know them. Those zombies who wonder aimlessly around the junkyards muttering about wiring harnesses and ABS modules. Fifty to sixty year old guys who still use watches and speak longingly about an ancient historical artifact once known as ‘The Constitution’. Rugged individualists who believe that the era of good music ended with The Allman Brothers. Real American heroes!!! Who are now left in the dust of an era where deficits don’t matter and the future is sub-leased to the present.
On second thought, maybe there’s something better out there. Hmmm. Anyone know where I can find a RWD European wagon with all the trimmings that is designed to withstand 17 Scandinavaian winters? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? PT Cruiser? Oh brother, never thought I’d see the day. Welcome to the brave new world.