By on May 7, 2009

Why did Maybach put a speedometer in the rear of the cabin? The salesman’s line: “so you can tell the driver to slow down.” I don’t think so. Plutocrats don’t get to be plutocrats by ambling about, caring about the hired help’s driving record or hiring chauffeurs who can’t drive safely. [NB: Mohammed Al Fayed wasn’t a plutocrat.] My explanation: velocity equals distance over time. Maybach figured its patrons would want to note their speed, check the flanking clock and calculate when they’d get to where they’re going. In other other words, Maybach owners would want to know when they’re going to leave their Maybach. The roof-mounted speedo embodies the luxury limo’s underlying philosophy. Maybach. The ideal conveyance for people who’d rather be somewhere else.

The Maybach 57S’s exterior does nothing to contradict this theory and much to confirm it. Think of it this way: If an upscale automaker wants to cater to super rich consumers who don’t like cars, or already own all the cars they like, there are only two ways to go. First, they can try to change the customer’s mind with seductive curves (e.g., Maserati Quattroporte) or unabashed excess (e.g., Rolls Royce Phanton).

Failing that, fuck it. Just build something. Make it vaguely brand-compliant and call it good. Although Porsche’s new Panamera is a timely example of The “Whatever” School of Car Design, the rapidly aging Maybach’s exterior is the gold standard to which lazy and/or deeply misguided luxury carmakers must eternally aspire.

That said, the Maybach 57S’s shortened wheelbase eliminates some of the 62’s bland, ungainly hideousness. Unfortunately, as there was so much bland, ungainly hideousness to start with, that’s not saying much. The 57S still looks like the genetically-challenged offspring of a three-way between a Kia Amanti, a 2003 E-Class and a contemporaneous S-Class. The Maybach 57S lacks überholprestige; it isn’t attractive enough to deliver deference, nor ugly enough to scare small children. It’s quietly absurd.

By its very existence, the Maybach 57S compounds this cognitive dissonance. A “sport” version of a three-ton limo? If nothing else, the concept implies that the Maybach 57S owner wants to drive his own car. Any such well-heeled wheelman will feel significantly shortchanged, in the Bernie Madoff sense of the word. Inlaid carbon fiber can’t disguise the fact that the 57S pilot’s ensconced in a cockpit that’s virtually identical to a Mercedes S-Class. The last generation S-Class. The Maybach 57S’s only “sense of occasion”: a button releases a dash panel which slides down to vomit forth a phone holder. Hey look! It’s 1997 calling!

OK, you can spend $9K and upgrade the 57S to full Bluetoothery. But when it comes to driver comfort and aesthetic appeal, the current generation Mercedes S-Class AMG has it all over the Maybach. As do a dozen cars stickering for $300K less—all of which are more attractive and prestigious (i.e. recognizable).

Yes, well, there is that. But if we set aside such prosaic concerns as badge snobbery and value-for-money, another question suggests itself: has Maybach succeeded in its questionable quest to transform Ginormica’s whip into the world’s most expensive sports sedan?

Maybach’s mechanics fit the 57 with a larger V12 (6.0-liter vs. 5.5-liter), increasing both horsepower and torque (603hp and 738 lb·ft vs. 543hp and 664 lb·ft). They also re-calibrated the 57’s air suspension, lowered the ride height by 0.6″, beefed-up the anti-roll bars and shod the beast with 20″ wheels. According to those in the business of selling it, the resulting 57S is “surprisingly agile.” Yes and no. If you try and turn the 57S hard into a corner, you will certainly be surprised—by the enormous vehicle’s desire to pivot on its axis. It’s oversteer Jim, on a planetary scale.

The logical response: forget cornering per se and go for maximum glide. In this the 57S’s engine and gearbox are remarkably uncooperative. In sport mode, the 12’s power delivery is twitchy and harsh, like the nervous lump lingering in the SL65’s snout, with an equal paucity of gears to smooth out the transitions (five’s your lot). In normal mode, the Maybach 57S takes a good half second or so to “wake up.” But don’t worry, the tire thump generated by the massive meats will keep you from drifting off (so to speak).

The 57S has one party trick: straight line acceleration. The zero to sixty sprint takes five seconds. In-gear teleportation is equally impressive. Provided you slap the autobox upside the head by slamming the go-pedal to the carpet, the Maybach 57S will take you from any speed to 171 mph on a single seamless wave of thrust. And . . . that’s it. That’s all you get.

There’s only one place to be in a Maybach, any Maybach: in the back. Anyone who buys a 57S to drive it simply doesn’t understand their place in life. A shortcoming they share with the vehicle itself.

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57 Comments on “Review: 2006 Maybach 57S...”

  • avatar

    Daimler-Benz internal memo:

    The guys in Munich have bought Rolls-Royce. And the upstarts in Wolfsburg got hold of Bentley. We cannot get left behind. Let’s come up with a brand of our own.


    The only nameplate we could come up with was Maybach. It’s been dead for a long time and nobody knows how to pronounce it anymore, but it will have to do. As for the car, we just took the S-Class and made it bigger. We couldn’t make it better. That would have been too much of a stretch.

  • avatar
    Robert Schwartz

    Just remember, this was the same management that bought Chrysler.

  • avatar

    This car does haves Kia written all over it, or Homermobile; maybe that’s an anti-kidnapping feature.

    I can’t imagine being so stupid-rich as to buy one of these, just to impress people you really don’t care for.

    Perhaps as a twisted status symbol, a $100 bill should be clear-coated in each D-pillar. Or it should come with a solid gold sledgehammer in the trunk, so the owner can destroy it in front of a group of his rich rivals.

    It’s one thing to be able to afford an obscenely overpriced car, it’s another thing to smash it to hell on a whim, too. Now that’s impressive. “I’ll just buy another, or two,” he says, wiping the sweat from his fat face with a monogrammed, silk hanky.

  • avatar

    I never understood why Benz felt the need to build a vehicle that slotted above their S-Class.

    Currently, the S has more prestige than any Audi A8 or BMW 7. OK maybe a litle less than a Bentley, but a V12 S will never be looked down on. And it’s recognizable.

    The Maybach never had the presence of a Bentely or Rolls.

  • avatar

    This is far more ridiculous than the 57S. I’d love to know how many of these things make it to market

  • avatar

    While the Maybach doesn’t appeal to me, maybe some people appreciate the blandness. Compared to the obnoxious Phantom, the Maybach flies under most people’s radar. Some people just don’t like too much attention.

    By the way, where did you get this vehicle to review?

  • avatar

    I’d love to know how many of these things make it to market

    Including or excluding the ones in rap videos? The answers are ‘two’ and ‘zero’ respectively.

  • avatar
    Martin Schwoerer

    Two reasons the Maybach exists.

    It’s a perk. Each year during the Geneva car show, there are dozens to be seen driving about. Board members and those slightly below use them to prove they inhabitate the upper echelons.

    And they are sold to oil barons, oligarchs, african dictators and hedgies (was) for whom the regular S-class is too lumpen. Thus, a potlatch product, useless and anachronistic.

  • avatar

    I’ve seen quite a few parked in front of Manhattan hotels. Ugly indeed. When I saw the title of the review, and the name of the reviewer, I chuckled and bet to myself that I’d see 1 star at the bottom. Not disappointed.

    However, if I may point out, it once again highlights the issues wit the star-rating system: some cars seem to be rated very highly on the basis of being objectively good, even though they might be bad for their price point. Others are rated for their subjective value.
    Let’s face it, ugly or not, the Maybach is a fantastic car…although it is an appalling car for its price.

    Oh, and if I recall correctly from the New York Times magazine long interview/article with Rush Limbaugh, he has a Maybach that he drives himself. I’m not going political here, as the guy is also an ardent supported of animal causes, and I respect that.

    Oh, and the ebay ad insert shows a used $118,000 Maybach for sale in…the Bronx!

  • avatar

    The guys in Munich have bought Rolls-Royce. And the upstarts in Wolfsburg got hold of Bentley. We cannot get left behind. Let’s come up with a brand of our own.

    Yes, it’s amazing how the Germans are bound and determined to screw up in exactly the same way that the Americans did. Only on a much, much larger scale.

  • avatar

    I’ve seen maybe 4 Maybachs in my life. Every time I saw one, I had to explain to everybody I was with what it was and how much it cost. Nobody every guessed something this dowdy-looking would cost as much as a house. That pretty much says it all for how badly Mercedes failed. Nobody wants to drop $400k on a car that is not in any way superior to a $100k S-Class, then have nobody except for car nerds realize how much they spent.

  • avatar

    I hope you’ll elaborate on that ballin interior.

  • avatar

    I guess you don’t “gotta have it!”

  • avatar

    Mercedes tried to make this car be two things:

    1) For the US market, where true plutocrats are driven in Suburbans, Town Cars and DTSes, it tried to make something conspicuous enough to get the rapper/athlete market.

    2) For the rest of the world, where plutocrats are driven in S-classes, it tried to make something a step above the S-class that would remind the plutocrats of their old 600s.

    However, for the US market the Maybach fell well short of the Phaeton, old Bentleys, and even new Bentleys. And for the rest of the world the Maybach fell short of the S-class, especially after the redesign.

    A factory S-class limo would have been much smarter, both in a strategic sense and an aesthetic sense.

  • avatar

    Simon Cowell has a few of these. And loves them.

    Aren’t they mainly sold to Russian and Eastern Bloc billionaires?

    It’s overtaking the S class as the choice of rich people in economies with massive wealth inequalities.

  • avatar

    MB certainly outdid themselves with the current gen S65 AMG, with the same motor and far superior ICE setup.

    But it doesn’t have curtains or a roof mounted speedo.

    So, if you’re gonna drive it, the new S65 is a no brainer…..and as a limo, if you want to remain under the radar, the “standard” 543 hp Maybach makes a bit more sense.

  • avatar

    “Hey look! It’s 1997 calling! ”

    This is doubly hilarious for anyone who’s ever had to pay for a replacement Motorola “Timeport” in their W220 S-class. Four figures.

    The one guy I know with a Maybach used to take it to do-it-yourself car washes while was on the road. Once he accidentally kicked the keys under the car into a drainage grate. What followed then was a drama of hilarious Appalachian proportions, ending in a tableau featuring two ten-inch-wise paths of axle-bearing grease and a Ford truck to pull the car along those paths until the grate was uncovered.

  • avatar

    “While the Maybach doesn’t appeal to me, maybe some people appreciate the blandness.”

    I’m with Mike63AMG. Not everyone wishes to advertise how much they paid for their car (or jacket, or watch, or whatever ). They don’t select what to buy for the purpose of showing off, but simply to enjoy whatever it is.

    Isn’t that what used to be called good taste?

    On another point, I have to believe that BMWnut’s on to something. Specially when you consider when the folks are Daimler decided to revive the Maybach marque. About the time it became known that BMW & VW had acquired Rolls and Bentley, respectively. They must have believed it necessary to have another brand pitched above the S-class, in the way RR & Bentley would be launched a price-class higher than the 7-series.

  • avatar

    “While the Maybach doesn’t appeal to me, maybe some people appreciate the blandness.”

    I’m with Mike63AMG. Not everyone wishes to advertise how much they paid for their car (or jacket, or watch, or whatever ). They don’t select what to buy for the purpose of showing off, but simply to enjoy whatever it is.

    Isn’t that what used to be called good taste?

    On another point, I have to believe that BMWnut’s on to something. Specially when you consider when the folks at Daimler decided to revive the Maybach marque. About the time it became known that BMW & VW had acquired Rolls and Bentley, respectively. They must have believed it necessary to have another brand pitched above the S-class, in the way RR & Bentley would be launched a price-class higher than the 7-series.

  • avatar

    Stealth wealth is something of a myth. Nobody pays $400k to be invisible. That can be done for a lot less money.

    Speaking of which, in terms of security, the best possible solution for “stealth” is a car that disappears into the traffic. That depends on the country, but a Lincoln Town car is one solution, as would be a “normal” S-Class or BMW.

  • avatar

    Nobody every guessed something this dowdy-looking would cost as much as a house.

    That’s not a bad thing, personally. If I had this kind of money, I’d want something that didn’t have a grille that either blinds oncoming traffic and/or juliennes anyone and anything it strikes.

    Bentley and Rolls are just gauche and Jag has drifted downmarket. The Maybachs are, sort of, German Toyota Centuries. I’d still prefer a Century for the kitsch value, but by that standard it’s not a bad car. It’s the difference between looking wealthy and looking like a pretentious twit.

  • avatar

    The perfect “stealth wealth” car in this country is a Volkswagen Phaeton. I had two of ’em. Then, because je ne donne pas a fuck about stealth, I covered ’em with NASA and TrackDAZE stickers and went hooning through traffic.

  • avatar

    I really love it when a stupid expensive car sucks.

    Tho – all the Bentleys and Rollers are becoming really ostentatious, what is one to do if one doesnt want to SHOUT, but still carry abig stick?

    Perhaps one day I will have that problem, and I will let you all know.

  • avatar

    I clicked on the link “GS650G” provided, thought I’d build my own and see what one costeded.
    No such jump on the site.

    So I entered my Zip to find my local dealer. All that did was produce a list of locations hundreds of miles away!

    If I’m rich or an elected man/woman/person/prefer-not-to-answer (Barney Frank) of the “people” Washingtoon bureaucrap (one in the same in my observations) I want, nay demand convenience and coddling. ( That pizza isn’t good enough, fly what’s-his-name to where the hell I’m at today. Ah, f-it, let’s just go to McWhopperdoodle and get a burger.)
    I want to build my barge from the comfort of my taxpayer funded estate.

    Why the hell is there a dealer in Dublin Ohio? (How far Dee-troit has fallen…) What’s down there to interest the Landed Gentry?? Need I descend to the streets of the hoi-poloi to spend your hard earned dollars?!

    And how do I get it serviced? Buy a shop manual and take it to the Lexus dealer??
    Seems the site (and dealer network) was/were/am as well planned as the vehicle.

    Go to the Aston or Bentley or Maserati site and play there instead. Build your dream there– the number of options you get will drive you nuts! I finally gave up and went to get the wheels on my Explorer rotated… sigh.

    “Give me convenience or give me death.”

  • avatar

    While it is true that not everybody wants ‘stealth wealth’, Robert is right, nobody pays $400k for a car that is arguably WORSE than a basic S-Class, Lexus LS or 7-Series AND wants to fly under the radar. Cars like Rolls-Royces and Bentleys are what economists call “Giffen (or Veblen) Goods”, where the price of the thing is a major reason why people want it.

    And a number of people have mentioned that Mercedes felt the need to compete with BMW (Rolls) and VW (Bentley). This kind of thinking is precisely what’s wrong with most of the auto industry today. Everybody is a follower. The Germans are the worst at this, which is why we have cars like the X3, Q5 and GLK (not to mention the upcoming “4-door coupes” by Audi and BMW, as well as the VW Passat CC). As soon as one of the German companies comes up with a ridiculous idea for a car, all the other companies MUST copy it immediately so they have something to ‘compete’ with. What happened to just building good cars that people want?

  • avatar

    The perfect “stealth wealth” car in this country is a Volkswagen Phaeton.

    That’s true. A silver Phaeton looks for all the world like a slightly-large Passat. And you can (could?) get it with the W12, no?

  • avatar
    John Horner

    I guess the Maybach gets some points for not being outright hideous like the Rolls. Rather than being something to aspire to, these cars are a fate to avoid.

  • avatar

    William Gibson describes a Maybach perfectly in Spook Country, calling one a “Cartier tank”.

    Also, funny enough, the owner of the Maybach maintains a fleet of VW Phaetons for his employees to use. Certainly a similar theme, albeit on different scales.

  • avatar

    The Maybach exists not as an object of stealth-wealth lust, but as an object of conspicuous consumption meant to be appreciated only by those of a certain refinement. The Maybach is for the fashionista who eschews Versace and Vera Wang, the film buff for whom Scorcese and Kubrick are too well known, and the patron of the arts that has outgrown such common composers as Beethoven, Bach, or Brahms. The point of the Maybach is that you already have to be a part of the club to ‘get it’, it’s for the owner who wants to project a subtle disdain towards the proletariat that they are not even worthy of realizing how wealthy said owner is.

    S version or not, no Maybach was ever intended to be driven by the owner (at least not the majority of the time). The S versions exists as a limo for the younger multi-millionaire who wants the ultimate in luxury, but also wants to think that his chauffer will be able to take on a S55 AMG should one pull up next to them at a stop light.

  • avatar

    What no gold plating ? And how about a set of spinners for the wheels ?
    If your going to be a dumb ass, “go big or go home”

  • avatar


    Someone has to be a contrarian, right. The overwrought narrative you provided makes sense until one realizes that the Maybach is most likely to be recognized, and its price known, by gangster rap fans and pimply faced car obsessed teenage boys.


    Mercedes was going to put on some gold plating or spinners, but after it put on the carbon fiber trim it realized that it had reached its trashy tackyness quota.

  • avatar

    One star, that is to low, it is better than that. I totally agree the vehicle is way over priced for what it is. I could see a Yugo getting one star, but the Maybach is an impressive executive luxury car once you get passed the insane price.

    The biggest flaw is knowing the price they were going to ask and making it look like a Mercedes that someone put aftermarket parts.

    I would say two stars or maybe three is what the Maybach is worth. For the kind of car it is trying to be, it falls short of competitors in that space.

  • avatar

    Stealth wealth is something of a myth. Nobody pays $400k to be invisible. That can be done for a lot less money.

    In the U.S., yes. In Europe, it can be a bit different. Wealth is often not admired but scorned, as is conspicuous consumption (just like, erm, rgith now in the US, for that matter!).
    Especially when it comes to cars. Most Europeans have the car engine marker stickers at the back removed, especially if it’s a large engine. Looks better, and that way, only car nuts know you’re driving an S4 instead of an A4 1.6l.

  • avatar

    NulloModo :

    Did you get that tirade directly from the Maybach PR team?

  • avatar

    I wasn’t trying to defend the view, or even imply that I share it, I was just voicing a theory as to what Maybach buyers and Daimler might have been thinking.

  • avatar

    I’ll take one of these on the Gumball 3000.

  • avatar


    I can see your point, though if true it proves that the Maybach is targeted at idiots. And as GM could tell you, targeting the stupidest consumers of a given demographic really isn’t all that good an idea.

    The Maybach is the anti-LS400. It doesn’t do anything better then the competition, and costs exponentially more money, kind of like a 80s Rolls-Royce. Contrast to the LS, which is as luxurious as any car on the planet for 1/4 the cost of a roller, and built with Toyota reliability.

  • avatar

    um, I could’ve sworn s stood for special, not sport

  • avatar

    I’m a bit surprised that these are sold without armor – seems like the type of car where it would be standard equipment.

    In addition to the armor, please do something with that Soviet grille.


  • avatar

    Hello RF.

    The point is not that one seeks stealth as such, but that some people buy a product that pleases them, however pricey, because they like it. Whether it catches attention or not is irrelevant.

    Parallel example – a lot of people would wonder what you’re thinking when you buy a Ruf Rt12 for Euros270,000. What? An interior that’s no different from a Turbo, perhaps even more plain? A grill that to many is just plain ugly and in any case not that special next to a GT3/2?

    But if you like the way it drives, you buy it. What they think is irrelevant.

    Or, why buy a $100,000 Patek that many will think is a $5,000 Dunhill? There’s a certain satisfaction from using and owning some really expensive but superbly crafted products. It’s a very subtle thing; not every highly priced object will provide that satisfaction to its owner. Ultimately, it’s a subjective thing.

    But if a large part of the satisfaction one seeks when purchasing a very expensive product is to see the awe and even envy of others, . . Well, as I said, in that case the issue of what’s in good taste rears its difficult head for me.

  • avatar

    Perhaps, Mmmm. But, you know, this is the one. Yes, yes yes… I saw three of these parked outside the local Starbucks this morning, which tells me only one thing. There’s too many self-Indulgent wieners in this city with too much bloody money! Now, if I was driving a 1967 275 GTB four-cam…

  • avatar

    Hello Verbalkint:

    I know how you feel. But I suspect most of those who buy one or several of these things do not go to the website to build their car.

    They have the secretary or executive assistant open the site, tell them what the options are, then instruct said sec/asst to either go order the thing or call the private banker to do it.

  • avatar

    As an S550 owner…let me be first to say that ANY car with the S-class W220 interior makes me sick. The S550 is above all others but the last gen S-class was thoroughly upstaged by the BMW 745li.

    Next – the Maybach IS A LIMO. When you compare it to other limos (the Hummer H2 Limo, the Chrysler 300 Limo, the Lincoln Town Car Limo, the (anything else limo) which would you rather be in?

    The Maybach has full reclining seats, tray tables for laptops, wine cooler with wine flute holders, in seat computer/ in seat television, and a bunch of other shit including HUMMINGBIRD FEATHERS in the pillows.

    My uncle has the first generation Maybach 62 which he got for a little under $200,000.

    As far as I’m concerned, this car is cool – albeit ludicrous in terms of amenities and the amount of clutter.

    I’d rather a Maybach than a Phantom. The Phantom looks alot better inside and out but it bores the shit outta me.

    However, for $350,000 I’d save alot of that cash and upgrade my S550 to an S600.

    But who in their right mind needs a V12 when you live in Manhattan and sit in traffic all day?

  • avatar

    Wilhelm Maybach was an Orphan. He grew up rat-poor in true Charles Dickens fashion. Learned his skills in the workshop of the orphanage!! Driven by perfectionism he set out to build the best cars money could buy at the time (and succeded).

    Fast forward 100 years: Wilhelm turned in his grave.

  • avatar
    Aloysius Vampa

    You can’t even do your thing in the back seat, even in the 62.

  • avatar

    Wait, so there’s a hummingbird farm somewhere where people cultivate those birds for their feathers?
    Those poor little things!

    Maybe the Maybach is first and foremost a fleet car?
    Wikipedia’s RR Phantom article mentions 16 examples built for a Hong Kong hotel’s fleet.

  • avatar

    TTAC, you must get back on the track.
    You´re looking more and more like Top Gear, not the truth, but a circus show.
    (domestic brands are the best, cars are good or absolute garbage)
    Stop trying to outdo Jeremy Clarkson(you can´t), and get back to the Truth.
    5 stars to a Ford Mustang and 1 star to Maybach???
    That´s not even funny, just stupid.

  • avatar
    Avinash Machado

    Why not get a S600 Pullman instead?

  • avatar

    Why not buy an original Grosser Mercedes 600 instead? I’d say a 600 speaks of more class than any Maybach could ever tell. This one should even match the speed and power of the 57S:

  • avatar

    No Stendhal syndrome with this barge………….

  • avatar

    I fail to see how TTAC can attack the Maybach.

    Why not attack other limos?

    This car is a LIMO…not a driver’s car. Neither the 62 or the 57 is a driver’s car. Its for chaeffuers lucky enough to be in one rather than a Lincoln or Hummer limo.

    You get embedded internet acccess in the seats, tray tables, wine racks with wine flute holders, hummingbird feathers in your pillows, thick, comfortable carpet ( I took my shoes off to feel it) and a bunch of other amenities like a fridge and heated/ventilated/massage chairs.



    This car has more interior space than an ESV.

  • avatar

    S. Sport. 57S. Maybach Sport. For the driver. Sold as the “driver’s Maybach,”

    And what part of my conclusion doesn’t agree with you?

  • avatar
    Aloysius Vampa

  • avatar

    Robert Farago

    Just cause they want people to think its for their own driver doesn’t mean that isn’t just an advertisement.

    For God’s sakes – I’ve heard how “great” Mini’s and Smart Fortwo’s are in AD’s. That’s a blatant lie.

  • avatar

    “Maybe the Maybach is first and foremost a fleet car?
    Wikipedia’s RR Phantom article mentions 16 examples built for a Hong Kong hotel’s fleet.”

    And a similar number of Maybachs serve guests at the Burj Al Arab in Dubai. Along with a similar number of RRs, of course.

  • avatar

    If the Maybach was a “fleet car” that would be one goddamned expensive fleet.

    The S550 is better as a fleet vehicle.

    The Maybach is for plutocrats that demand the best. Truth is, most rich people don’t flash their money all the time – which is why many of them DON’T drive super luxury vehicles. I was reading in a newspaper that a survey of people making over $250K a year showed many of them drive “regular” cars like Malibu, Accord, Infiniti, etc.

    I’m almost 30 and most of the time when I see people driving an S550 like mine, they are old people. I also see alot of middle aged women driving them or being driven in them as they sit in the back.

    Alot of rish people drive Lexuses, BMw’s Benzes or Audi’s. I rarely see them in Maserati’s, Bentleys,etc.

    If I had Billions, I’d either have Veyron as a personal car.

  • avatar

    I am acutely aware of the prohibition to ‘flame’ the site, the authors or fellow commentators—so, can I at least flame ‘the car’?!!!

    I am sorry, It looks hideous. If I am going to drop a MEG or more on a car, I want people to go “Oooooh!!!”, not “Dude’s got more money than brains because that car’s butt ugly!!!”

    1. If I am dropping a MEG or more on a car, I am not interested in miles per gallon, horsepower or driveability. I want the puppy to scream opulence!!!

    2. That means, I don’t want rounded edges or drag co-efficients or any of that nonesence. I want a classy car like…a Dussenberg or CORD with a spaceage saloon in the back (satelite phone, high speed internet like they have in planes, a full bar and enough leg room where I can design a Powerpoint presentation while a Hooker is on her knees taken care of business as I am taking care of business.

    3. And I want it nice enough where I can cruse around Washington DC, pull up to Nancy Polosi and sneer “Yo’ Bitch!!! You know that $500K salary cap you put on us Cryco Boys?!!! Well, I am now ‘seconded’ out to FIAT, which means I WORK for FIAT—so you can take your little $500K salary cap and shove it!!!” Then I would have the hooker titty-flip her off as I laughed “Hey Nancy—ya got any GREY POUPON?!!!

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