Capsule Review: 2005 Lincoln LS V8 Sport

I had every intention of taking a Lincoln MKS for a spin. I couldn’t do it. The MKS dodging tumbleweeds in the showroom was ugly as sin and as cheap as chips. “Cheap” as in poorly designed and executed. The Monroney for Lincoln’s front wheel-drive, V6 flagship added up a bunch of numbers knocking on forty large. When I told the salesman I’d rather have two BMW E39 BMW M5s, he pointed me to the 46k-mile ’05 Lincoln LS V8 Sport busy putting flat spots on its tires. The sticker said something about $18K, but I got the distinct impression that a Salmon and some pocket lint would make her mine. But did I want her?

The LS shared its platform with Jaguar’s retro-styled, pre-Subaru Tribeca flying vagina, the S-Type. World car this. Ford’s English patient was responsible for the LS’s utterly ridiculous packaging (short, narrow trunk and cramped rear seats). Fortunately, our tester’s black-on-black color scheme flattered the car’s lines, which wander the border between elegantly dignified and invisibly generic. The LS V8’s cabin is nothing to write home about. But as I’m already home I’ll say that the Lincoln’s meaty steering wheel is all that stands between the LS V8 Sport and the stench of rental car hell. Although not literally.

The are really only three things you need to know about the Lincoln LS V8 Sport: it’s quick, it’s rear wheel-drive and the English underpinnings mean that Mercury Marauder-style redemption (via hot shit aftermarket engine and suspension mods) is not on the cards. The hive mind at Wikipedia claims the LS V8’s 3.9-liter lump produced over 87% of its peak torque at 2000 rpm. They also say that Jag’s AJ-V8 could propel the mini-luxobarge from 0 to 60 mph “in the low sevens.” While I’m not so sure how many times the Lincoln’s five-speed gearbox would enjoy that sprint (or the brakes for that matter), the LS V8 feels strong like bull [Russian accent]. There is plenty of poke when you need it, and just enough when you don’t.

The tester’s suspension emitted cop shock death rattles (don’t ask me how I know). But the LS V8 Sport’s handling was on the right side of slightly more than unobjectionable. And the LS V8 Sports’ 17″ wheels exact no ride penalty. Taken as a whole, at just under $50K when new, the V8 version of the last gen mid-size Lincoln was almost as over-priced as its contemporary replacement. (Note: the V6 LS was no fun at all.) Still, the LS V8 Sport was a bit of a hoot that pointed the way forward for Lincoln. I mean it’s simple enough, right? Tasteful lines, V8 power, rear wheel-drive, classy interior and enough room for adults. Done. Or, in Lincoln’s case, not.