Rumor has it there is a Datsun Z-car at the 24 Hours of LeMons that’s cheating like a mother–well you know. During yesterday’s test and tune event at Motorsport Ranch, the TTAC LeMons entry was screaming down the straights and cutting corners with a bit too much perfection. Which goes over as well ’round these parts as Farago asking Maximum Bob about his golden parachute at a GM media forum. But you won’t see TTAC’s Lemons car in trouble: I made sure of that. While the team, Mad Cow Motorsportz put together a fantastic race hooptie, we also bribe like the Jack Abramoff of crap cars. And our beloved judges, our own Johnny Lieberman and Jalopnik’s Murilee Martin, get it. Literally. Sure we got a hot motor that’s much too gutsy, but we made no bones about our mad parts swapping skills with a (dearly departed) 280ZX. Don’t like the coilover shocks at all four corners? Tough, we bought them at a automotive silent auction/charity for $40 and have the receipt to prove it. Which doesn’t mean shit if you don’t put your money where your mouth is. (more after the jump).
And that’s exactly what we did. Some may see $100 split into five dollar denominations as bribery, but that’s only if you don’t like the good looking women holding it in their cleavage. Or the promises of a free dinner as something more than a reason for two TTAC veterans to finally meet face-to-face. But if the judges still don’t “get it” , we got another bribe up our sleeves: open the hatch and just try to find the trick (but legal) fuel cell. There’s a cooler full of ice-cold Shiner Bock (this is Texas, you gotta represent) in your way. So, after receiving a king’s ransom in bribes, our man Lieberman saw the light and proclaimed “I don’t see anything wrong here, no penalty.” They tattooed the Datsun’s lovely sheetmetal with a mark of bribery, took most of my money and walked off. The moral of the story? Even if you don’t cheat, you sure as hell better bribe the judges anyway.