By Robert Farago
May 2, 2008 -
Sam Adams Light. Porsche Cayenne GTS. Same deal. Both the American light beer and the German "sport truck" are fundamentally flawed concepts– made palatable by knowledge, passion and invention. Did I say palatable? I meant enjoyable. You can quaff copious quantities of Sam Adams' 124-calorie-per-bottle beverage without thirsting for "real" beer. By the same token, you can drive the snot out of the 405hp GTS without asking your companion "Dude, where's my Boxster?" In both cases, if you didn't know better, you wouldn't, and you wouldn't care. But if you do, will you?
To placate the purists, the Sultans of Stuttgart have made the GTS a mucho macho machine. Wheel arches that once sheltered Bambi's friends are now stuffed with 21" tires. The GTS shares its nose with the range-topping Turbo– continuing to prove that you can't make a silk purse out of sow's snout. Yes, well, the GTS' no-cost optional rear spoiler is pure Porsche: stylish, slick and sick. The quad pipes, not so much.
Inside, there's nothing to remind GTS drivers that they're the something wicked that this way cometh. A meaty steering wheel pretty much completes the list. I was expecting Porsche to go the whole hog (so to speak) and fit some honest-to-Gott racing seats. Perhaps that's where the keepers of the flame drew the line; the chairs offer nothing more than a little extra bolstering (front and back) and Alcantara inserts, just waiting for juice box dribbles and Diet Coke debacles.
Kick-over the GTS' V8 and the next time you do so you'll be channeling the WWE's announcer. Initially, it's not so much a rumble as a whole lot of noise– which had me wondering if the GTS was firing on all cylinders. And then the vario-cam plus powerplant settled into the "outer space is really big" sub-woofer special effect, ready for a couple of infantile brap, braps on the go-pedal.
Obviously enough, the Cayenne GTS is quick. Should you wish to blast the beast from zero to sixty miles per hour (hey, you're paying for it), the German SUV will oblige your accelerative aspirations in 5.7 (manual) or 6.1 (auto) seconds. That's either a half second faster than the Cayenne S or, according to Car and Driver, not. Anyway, talk about motor authority; in full kick-down, the GTS' mill issues an entirely purposely growl, winding out to the redline with unrelenting determination. Followed by a tiny upshift beep. Oh, please.
Journalists have seized on the fact that the GTS comes with a stick (as does the base V6). Our GTS didn't; the Porsche guy says his store sells fewer manuals than an iPod dealer. Although reports indicate that the Porsche's six-speed self-shifter is a sloppy cog swapper, I was left lusting for an oar to row. Yes, once again, the Cayenne's gearing sucks.
Despite [new] direct injection technology, the GTS remains insensitive to anything but major inputs. It might be OK for a Saturn slushbox to rethink on the fly, but when you're shelling out $70k (and the rest), you don't want a vehicle that shifts down a gear, then shifts down again. You can use the Porsche truck's Tiptronic buttons to manage the problem, but the GTS is supposed to be a luxury sport SUV. [Note to self: did I just say that?]
The problem is, still, weight. The GTS tips the scales at a kaffe und kuchen-loving 4949 lbs. With Porsche unable or unwilling to ditch the SUV's phenomenal off-road capability, the boffins had no choice but to gear the GTS for mileage. While Car and Driver hails the Porker's "400 mile fuel range," the EPA reckons the GTS (auto) gets 13/18 mpg. Yeah right. Mix gas and air like you just don't care and you're looking at single digits. To achieve S-Class throttle response, well, how low can you go?
At least the brute handles impeccably, in a "747 doing a barrel roll" kinda way (true story). As long as you keep the GTS' handling Nannies on duty, you'll only run out of grip if you're stupid enough not to change over to winter tires (special order, big ticket). And although my lack of "ass calibration" (Porsche guy's term) prevented me from discerning any difference in any of the GTS' three suspension modes, no matter. The ride quality on those jumbo donuts is fully commuter compatible.
I also appreciate the fact the GTS' elevated seating position allows you do things on the highway that no low-slung sports car could/should do. But I'm still left wondering if the forthcoming four-door Porsche Panamera wasn't the family car Porsche should have built in the first place.
And I still prefer the Infinit FX45 for high-end SUV fast-driving fun. [Note to self: read previous note to self.] But the Porsche Cayenne GTS is easily the best fully off-road capable sport truck money can buy– including the less dramatically styled, lag-afflicted Cayenne Turbo. Put another way, the Porsche Cayenne GTS is the world's most-fire-resistant-paper-hat-on-wheels. Now that's saying something; although I'm not exactly sure what.
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More Reviews46 Responses to “ 2008 Porsche Cayenne GTS Review ”
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POWERED
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:06 am
These trucks are all over the place around here, the V8 humming happily while stopped in rush hour traffic, going just as fast as me in my 12 year old VW Golf. How sad. To spend all that money on such a fast car, then go nowhere.
But then, I’m not sure that these are really cars, they seem to be wheeled thrones, much like the popemobile, to let passers by know how important you are.
I’m not bitter, tho.
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:12 am
Wow, interesting. The review seems more like a 2 r * review, not a 4 * one, ….nnless * inflation is matching the dollar.
jerseydevil> Even worse is to spend all that money on a crappy automatic. That has to be a sin in itself!
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:17 am
Nice one, RF. I’d like to think my ass is pretty well calibrated. But I’ve also encountered trick shocks where I could not tell the difference between the modes.
The Cayenne is perhaps the vehicle I’ve been told most often I should take for a test drive, but still have not. The people who own them seem to love them. But I’ve always had trouble seeing past:
1. the idea of a Porsche SUV
2. the styling of the actual execution
With the GTS six-speed, though, I’m tempted. But then if I did drop by a dealer wanting to test drive one, it sounds like they’re unlikely to have it.
If a bunch of you happen to have these, and want to help provide some better reliability info on the beast, head here:
http://www.truedelta.com/reliability.php
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:36 am
Jeremy Clarkson had the last word on this flying turd. “This really is a car that drowned in Lake Ugly.”
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:38 am
Aaah yes. But if you think that regular Sam adams packs 160 calories (http://www.beer100.com/beercalories.htm), that’s a difference of 29%. And even though Sam Adams Light is the only light beer that doesn’t make me feel like drinking donkey urine instead, it’s still not quite a good as regular. Will I take an extra 29% caloric hit? Why, yes sure, considering that I won’t drink more than 4-5 anyway.
Same with cars. No matter how well executed it is, it remains a stupid concept. I recognize the engineering talent, and the marketing talent in selling a vehicle like this (which, in its automatic iteration mostly goes to people who drive with a cellphone stuck to the ear), but I refuse to give any love to this ungainly behemoth, who never goes off-road nor carries more than 3 persons…which is admittedly more than a Cayman can carry.
May I also point out that the best sport truck remains the jeep wrangler? A vehicle with a single purpose, that doesn’t try to mix marathon with basketball with boxing…
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:46 am
The rich and pampered children will Never EVER be late for a soccer game.
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:26 am
Hmmmm… I really wonder how one of these would compete with a Mercedes R500. They both seem to be oddball machinery and I still don’t understand the need of having one unless you’ve got 5+ in the nuclear family and ‘must’ have the name.
Even then you could get a loaded Odyssey, a customized MX-5 for the personal drives, and enough money for a very nice Hawaiian cruise for the family. The cache and speed may not be there (as much). But the value quotient, fuel economy and arguably even the driving experience would be far better given your task at hand.
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:30 am
There are 152 Cayennes on eBay right now. 150 automatic, 2 manual. Wow.
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:43 am
the German SUV will oblige your accelerative aspirations in 5.7 (manual) or 6.1 (auto) seconds.
That’s at least 0.3 seconds slower than TTAC’s reported 0-60 time of a Forrester XT. Imagine a Porsche being beaten out of the stop lights by an equally ugly Subaru costing 1/3 as much.
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:40 am
This is the only Porsche that I don’t like but the rest of the fleet is exceptional.
I love the 911 and the 928. Porsche is the only German car manufacturer that I really adore and respect.
Why? I don’t see them a lot on the road and if you see one you are hypnotized by it’s looks.
BMW are very common. I am just tired of looking at them just like the Honda and Toyota.