Daily Podcast: I Wouldn't Do That Job for a Million Bucks

So the D.C. DMV reckons the best way to cut lines is to remove the human element from the parking ticket adjudication process. In other words, as of December '08, D.C. drivers who want to bitch that they were busted unfairly can forget the whole "Here come da Judge!" routine. They've got to argue their case via letter or email. If I were a member of the PC police, I'd immediately point out that the move from oral to literary parking ticket protests puts minorities who can't read or write English at an immediate and dramatic disadvantage. If I were a nativist, I would point out that this policy will give non-literate minorities an immediate and dramatic advantage, as the government will no doubt provide an exemption from the WBO (written bitching only) ordinance or provide a savvy translator to craft the protest. In any case, as someone who tutored Freshman English at Tufts, I can tell you that D.C. is making a BIG mistake. The vast majority of the letters and emails flowing into the parking office will be illegible and incoherent. The ones that aren't will be pompous, long-winded and riddled with spurious arguments and outright deceit. They might as well just get a big ass rubber stamp (and electronic equivalent) that says "APPEAL DENIED" and stamp 599 out of 600 letters/emails with it. (You know, to be fair.) And mark my words, that's exactly what they'll do. And you know what? People will write back asking why their appeal was denied– even though there'll be text telling them not to– which they can't read, won't see or will ignore. How great is that?